the Rolodex of being lala

I have been spending a LOT of time painting lately
I find it calming
and one of the few times the constant thoughts and stuff that is rolling in my mind is quiet .. I always imagine it like an old fashioned Rolodex .. talk about flashback!!! :) ... and it's constantly flipping around and around and you get the point :)
I also really like challenging myself
I wouldn't call my life boring and in desperate need of challenging!!! but I do get bored which is crazy and probably stupid as I am sure my husband is reading this like ummmm you have a hundred things you could be doing ha ... and I do have "things" I need to be doing for my families biz ... and I am procrastinating which is a horrible trait
But here I sit
another hobby of sorts!!
and this leads me to attempting to getting some of the many thoughts tumbling about in the Rolodex that IS my mind!
Since I have been home with the baby I have been trying, ok my version of trying!, to push myself to be more consistent with my online postings .. trying to gain more followers  and for 2 reasons .. 1 was I have wanted to do a joint venture with my sister Shash who is a social media guru, I think we actually would do a really unique thing and it would be great!.... and reason #2 .. if  reason #1 was to actually happen then there would be gradual income from that and I have been uber panicking of sorts about going back to work in March and leaving my son in childcare... it's not something I am looking forward too.. the childcare part! the leaving him in someone else's arms part and being away from him for most of the day!

Then Life happens and my dad got sick and priorities got shifted
Now I know for sure I WILL be returning to work in March and I am not dreading it as much even though the thought of leaving baby tugs at my heart strings .. my parents are making a bigger office space for me so I can bring the baby as much as I would like .. I am not sure how much I will get done with him there but I am willing to give it a go!
And since life happened and my maternity leave has changed drastically to what I had thought .. I thought I would be Martha Stewart .. I would BE the housewife, if only for a year, for my amazing and deserving husband and children .. I would bake cookies and muffins and the house would smell like fresh homemade bread, I would sew tons of new creations (I have the stockpile I really could sew enough things in theory to open my own store!), I would paint and write and go for walks and join a mommy group and even take him to a baby and me swim thingy, which shows just how OVER myself I am trying to become, and I would take him aka baby to the beach and for walks and the park and everything would be amazing
I would be amazing
the baby would be amazing
so yah reality is just a tad different!

For some reason unknown to me my baby is actually allergic to sleep ... true story
I still suck at housekeeping
I made 1 batch of muffins and only recently made some bread (which I am going to attempt to make again today as my dad likes it and can keep it down and he has chemo again today so today IS the day .. I hope)
I have sewn 1 project
I have not been consistent in posting and blogging
I have gone for only a hand full of walks
I am no martha stewart
I have been painting
part of me wonders if I am painting like a mad woman so at least some of what I thought I would do this year I am actually doing!!

I even tried to make more of a presence on line by joining a Periscope challenge .. I made it to day 16 and then fell flat .. mostly cuz I honestly found so many so boring , very time consuming, serious cell phone battery draining and the challenge topics just didn't suite me .. mostly as so many were about how you plan and get things done
OMGSH I have NO idea how I get things done.. in my mind I get so much NOT done and while I have done a ton of catering and event planning for others .. my personal life is a fly by the seat of my pants random life .. so not planned on purpose!
So part of me feels like a quitter and part of me feels like ... it is what it is!
I love "blab" more then Periscope but again finding time with a baby who only seems to power nap these days and the list in my head of the things I SHOULD get done everyday ... and I hardly make it on there ... but I think I am good at it .. I like talking .. I know shocking right?! ha ... but I do really love the platform and think it is up my ally just have to still figure out how to make it a routine .. reread sentence how my life is fly by the seat of my pants and random and baby allergic to sleep
I am thinking of trying to start a real relationship talk on blab, in a regularish schedule :)
I am 41, mother of 5, divorced, remarried, multiple miscarriages, and lived to talk about it.. just a few of the things I think I can call myself an expert on and love to talk to people about. I think I have some insight on these topics and I feel passionate about sharing my life with others.

I have loved that being a part of social media .. even just the small part that I am.. means that I have met some incredible people I would never have met otherwise ... I love sharing my life and at the end of the day and much much thought on it all I think that is what it all comes down too
I don't want to be a brand ambassador ... I want to be my own ambassador
I don't want to try to force a post ... I want to express myself freely and as randomly as I am myself
I don't want to like for like ... I want people to like my page/posts because they genuinely like them
I don't want people to listen to me so I will listen to them ... I want people to listen to me IF they just simply want to and maybe connect with what I have to say
I don't want to become too polished ... I like my spelling mistakes and constant overuse of the symbols ! and ....
I have figured out that I like living my life as me ... and this is how I blog and write and paint and share and post and how often and I am ok with that ... so pressure off and if it happens that because of these things I become famous and people want to give me loads of money ;)  ha ha ha .. then so be it
but I am not going to force it
I have so many other things to do .. or not do


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