No I am not a narcissist :)

At least I am pretty sure I am not!


so why do I blog?

I have been asking myself this question a lot this year! The reason I started blogging to why I continued to blog to why I am still here today have changed throughout the years and major changes in my life!

why I started in the first place?

I started reading a blog of a very good friend of mine and I was hooked .. Like I was checking it at least 10 times a day to see if she had updated it yet :) ... if you know me you know I can tend to get a wee obsessive over things sometimes!!

I hate to even count how many years I had had actual internet at that point lol .. totally aging myself but it is what it is .. I remember first emailing someone and being so amazed at that .. let alone how far technology has come since the internet first came in and I was 20 something :)

After reading her blog and then finding some other blogs I thought I CAN DO THIS

and so it began .. my obsession grew and at the beginning I had quite the little following .. this was before I even knew about "wordpress" and I know big time bloggers are all about the press and dissing on the but hey I am where I am :) .... this was back when adding bling to your blog was HUGE!! and music and little pics like snowflakes falling in the back ground ... I wasn't alone in my obsession  to say the least!

I was happily blogging away about funny and random mommy things and then my husband at the time (yup nothing like a divorce for a whole plethora of things to blog about) got sick ... and so my blog became very introverted and more about recording the journey ... then due to the sickness I got thrown back in to the work force, you know the outside the home kind where you actually have to get out of your pyjamas and drive in traffic and stuff, and so once again my blog changed as my literal world was changing ....

and then there was just so much happening personally I couldn't write about at the time

the mayhem of my life was literally like living in a war zone and I felt somewhat muted and terrified at what was happening around me

then the merry-go-round broke ... 15 years of walking on egg shells, producing children, trying to keep my family together all fell apart

so my blog took an even deeper interpersonal route

I actually attempted to start a few other blogs ... about dating, about being strong... heck I even did the jump to word press on a whole new blog as this one was at the time being printed off, or so I was told, and keeping track of by those on the other camp to use against me ... talk about feeling censored!! I am so glad that time of my life is over! no words could properly paint my relief!

back to this blog I finally came ... when I had found myself, I am tempted to say fully found myself but I am not sure that is possible when I have so many more years to explore myself :) ... and in my personal journey I found love ... an amazing stable love and the consequence to that love/marriage ... a new baby!

it's official I am crazy!!

having a baby at 40 was scary and wonderful and more scary and so wonderful

being "off" from my crazy family business for maternity leave I started to re-examine my blog and what was it's purpose and where did I want to take it and hence began my most serious look at doing this blog with some sort of purpose

THEN after all that ...

my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Mesothelioma the beginning of July and so came a halt to all things

currently I am trying to balance my teen girls ... LORD LOVE A DUCK ... an 8 month old .. being there for my dad whenever he needs me and I am LOVING my time with him!! and then popping in to my families business to help where needed, its a family business there really is no "off" time :) and no I am not getting paid for it to any who would like to report oh my gosh she is working while on her maternity ... I bring the baby with me and it takes me so much longer to DO anything it's kind of funny ... 40+baby=mush brain AND body!!!

I am not sure where this blog will take me but it has been with me through some pretty significant events in my life ... will I become a world famous blogger? haha ok that's funny probably not ... will I become recognized more then my couple hundred visitors a month? perhaps, that would be nice! ... will I ever be asked to be a speaker at a blogging event? in my dreams! :) will I ever make money from this little blog? not while it stays little!!

I have learned that one should never say never!
I never thought I would be divorced
I never thought I would get remarried
I NEVER thought I would have more kids
I never thought so many things

and yet here I am

looking forward to what's next ... sort of some things scare me .. like my teens.. they scare me sometimes I am not going to lie :)

so no I am not a narcissist .... I am a real live open and honest middle aged woman who sometimes gets inspired to pound out a few words :) ... we shall see where that takes me!!!!


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