cancer sucks

 I am not generally a feel sorry for myself kind of person

I am not even sure that's what I am doing

but I am feeling heavy

I am feeling sad

tears are so close by

you juggle and you stand and you keep pushing through

and there are a few breaks

a few tears fall

the heart feels the heaviness and the weight settles in

I am not even sure how else to describe it

I am feeling sad

I am feeling heavy

I am feeling stiff and sore from holding myself so tight

afraid the phone might ring and it be the worse news ever

afraid something else bad will happen

this is what it is like for me right now walking through this with my dad

and I know ... it's ok for me to feel this

and I know ... I just can't stay here

I won't

I will pull myself together and up

I always do

but for now ... for right now ... I want to tell anyone who might be reading this small little blog

cancer sucks

it really really sucks

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