As the youngest in my family ... a large and mostly crazy busy family .... I found that I have become somewhat of an observer of sorts.
I find that at nights right now I am laying in bed going over everything I am observing right now. Every time I close my eyes I see my dad ... my dad is always on my mind... and dreaming about my dad.
This is an all consuming time. My house looks like a sorority house :) picture a house full of teen girls who are not being monitored very closely and are lazy and that is pretty much what my place looks like right now! but it's ok ... this too shall pass!!
It feels like we are all walking around with this giant clock ticking down above our heads ... fully aware of it's very LOUD TICK TOCK TICK TOCK the words he has a month tries to echo in my head ... my heart cries out more time Lord! ... and then I hear "who's report are you going to believe?"
the faith fight is real
Finding that place in my Faith is challenging .... believing what we believe .. standing on what we know to stand on ... proclaiming the Word ... doing all I have been taught to do my entire life
Being encouraged in our stand is so amazing ... I call them "Faith lifts" .. as they really do lift our faith and help us to keep focused and steadfast.. I am so thankful for those that have surrounded us with their faith and helped to keep us lifted!
Watching my mom tenderly touch my dad or curl up to him on the coach takes all my strength to not fall to my knees in a sobbing mess ... I am using an incredible amount of energy NOT falling apart .. NOT becoming the heap on the ground .. I want to be present .. I don't want to miss anything being a heap ..and what good does being a heap do? not much!! and I have been taught to not be led by how I feel but to be moved by the Word of God which is real!
Dad doesn't like to have to be helped so much .. this very able man who has spent the majority of his life helping others is in a position very foreign to him .. it's an uncomfortable place for us all ... we are a family who helps others, rarely ever do we ask for help ....is that a pride thing? I dunno and right now I don't really care! it is who we are ... we haven't really been in many places in our lives where we have had to ask for help and certainly never publicly! It's a weird feeling.
We see the Oncologist again on Monday and hope to get more tests and praying that our steps are ordered and we are doing the right things at the right times and that what we can do we do! We don't know yet about chemo yet and haven't heard further from the surgeon as she is still on holidays.
He was drained again yesterday .. so that makes 3 drainings .. this time they took 8.2 litres for a total of over 26 litres of fluid they have drained so far! an ultrasound has been booked for Aug 6 to look closer at his liver... dads response to what we see as a long time to wait is, they know I have lots of time and there is no worry so why rush?, he sees the positive at every turn! I tell you this man is so full of Faith it is something to see!
I will keep dad's progress posted here as regularly as I can
thank you for your continued prayers and support
we also are in such wonder of this little miracle baby that we are enjoying so much .. even more so right now as he brings us all such incredible joy .. he makes us laugh and smile .. it's hard to sit in a place of wallowing when you have an adorable baby beaming unconditional love at you!!
(my posts are probably jumbled and my grammer probably is awful but right now it is what it is ... it's all about my dad!!)