Cancer sucks

My dad getting diagnosed with Mesothelioma has my world flipped upside down ... understatement of the Century!

NO ONE expects to get cancer

NO ONE expects to get cancer from Asbestos ... unless maybe you are a miner and you know it's a risk..... we certainly were  not expecting that

not my dad

my mom always said in reply to me saying "thats not fair" with " what's fair? there is no measure of fair"

nope and yet I want to stomp on the ground in a good old fashioned 2 year old temper tantrum screaming at the air THIS IS NOT FAIR

yet this is happening

how is cancer fair? .... it's not.... it's random and it sucks

for me I feel like I am standing on a melting iceberg ... trying to stand on my faith .. on what I have been taught my entire life .. I have seen miracles .. my children are! I've seen people get healed ... I know that prayer works .. I believe in a living God ... I believe in miracles

being scared to believe TOO much or TOO publicly is a real thing ... "what if's" circle the brain ... what if someone doesn't believe in God if dad doesn't get healed? what if I look like a fool? what if people think I am ridiculous?

when it comes down to it at the end of the day I believe in God's Word... that it was ALL paid for on the cross .. it's been done .... why do bad things still happen? we live in a fallen world simply put...  BUT we still win even if we don't get our miracle here on earth .... because we have the Word that says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord

I am so encouraged by all the love and support that we are receiving ... my dad has touched so many people in his 69 years ... he is an incredible man ... and right now I am spending as much time with him as I can and with a small baby and a house of teens sometimes I feel overwhelmed ... and my sister and her family are all staying with me right now as well ... I am looking past the mess of my house knowing it doesn't really matter .. and I can hardly stand to watch TV.. what a waste of time, I definitely have a shift in my life happening and family is so important ... time with people is so important not the results of X factor or days of our lives .... 


more later.... baby is calling me!


Becky said…
I can certainly understand your struggle. Things like your Dad being diagnosed with cancer can naturally cause us a crisis of faith. It's like every time we encounter such a huge trial, we have to revisit the foundation of what we really believe in. Actually, more importantly, it's Who we believe in and whether or not He is who He says He is and can we trust in His great love and guidance in our lives. Sometimes we can get off track just focusing on being healed rather than knowing that He already has gone before us and every day of our lives has been lovingly mapped out for us. Whether we are healed here on earth or when we go fully into His Presence, we can rest assured that He knows what the best plan is.
15 yrs ago, I was diagnosed with cancer and it was definitely one of the most scary times of my life. I was grieving so much over the possibility of having to leave my precious family. The Lord then gave me a vision of a calendar and said that the dates of my birth and death were already on His calendar and I could just rest in knowing that it was already planned. When my time to die would come, then it wasn't going to catch Him by surprise and that that day would be very precious in His sight. Until then, I was just to enter into His Rest and just peacefully love and trust that my life was in His Hands.
Take comfort in knowing that your Dad's life is also securely in the Lord's Hands and nothing will ever be able to snatch your Dad away before that precious day of his homecoming. When that day arrives it will be in the Lord's perfect time and there will be great joy as they meet each other in person. Then, in the Lord's perfect time you will be with your Dad again. Never to part. Take comfort in these words. xo

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