I am Charlie Brown's Teacher ... or am I?

goodness this picture was taken a few years ago now ... shortly after my divorce my parents took me and the girls on a road trip to Disneyland... I cried a lot of the trip!!

this lovely daughter of mine has grown up so much so fast!

I have blogged a lot about this daughter 
it's not a secret she has been my biggest learning curve
I say yes she says no
I say left she says right
I say stay she says go
you get the picture

I have learned a LOT of patience being this ones momma!!

This past year has been one of discovery for us as the anxiety she had been experiencing really came to a head ... I finally got her help (I have written many posts this past year on this) and being home with the baby has enabled me to sit on her some more aka motivate her hahaha to do what she needs to do to finish the school year

it has not been easy

in fact a select few people have known the actual struggle it has been

some tough love had to be applied as well... words spoken with meaning to show I was serious about what was needed to be done

if you know me then you will know I am a bit of a softy... I hold on to NOT being a pushover but some may disagree with me on that one


my point .. yes I have a point

is that MY stand with her helped...even if she would never admit it :) 

I understand that she has anxiety and ADHD and depression, she also has some oppositional defiance disorder and a lot of unresolved issues around aspects of the divorce.... and while I have permitted her to be on medication to help with the ADHD and set her up with counselling (which she no longer attends on her choice) and I have informed the school about her diagnoses ..basically done all that I know how to do to help her with all this .. I don't believe she can use it as an excuse.. maybe that's not even fair to do .. I don't have anxiety and therefore maybe I am not qualified but in my opinion, I believe she has to learn to live with it .. not have it define her .. she needs to learn to rise above it.. and I believed that she could and that it was possible. 

She can let the anxiety rule her or she could rule the anxiety.

My goal was to help her rule it ... to be able to still function in the world around her.. to help her find within herself the strength that I believe God puts there to live the life we are called to live. I believe He has given us what we need and its up to us to tap into it and use that strength... we have a choice.

Well the girl found it in her to really apply herself and fight through the anxiety and ADHD and worked her butt off the last 3 weeks of school and went from getting 20% in a couple of classes AND the school counsellor telling me there is NO WAY she would pass and signed her up for summer school

to passing

she did it!!

I cried
(apparently I cry a lot!)

One of the projects that she had to do and hand in was an Essay ... I cried when I read what she had written ... see I told you I am a cry baby!

she has given me permission to share it with you

"We may encounter defeats, but we must not be defeated" is a quote to live by. Everyone comes face to face with challenges, some greater than others, but no matter the outcome there will still be another day. Life is full of opportunities to strive from. Giving up after meeting failure will make that individual the biggest failure of all. What is there to live for, to hope for after defeat is admitted. People do not get to choose their battles that come their way but they get to choose how they are going to overcome them and learn from them.

My mom like many other women on this Earth has known the pain of miscarrying a child. She has lost six babies (actually 8 but I don't expect my girls to keep track of how many I have had!  I had had 5 before Hailey was born) before they ever got the chance to meet this world. Being who she is, she never was defeated. She kept praying, hoping and trying for a baby who could survive and be able to meet her. All because she never admitted defeat I am alive today, healthy and strong. If she ever gave up that well deserving woman would never of been able to hold a baby of her own in her arms. Many defeats were met but one victory was worth them all.

The human race is strong, determined, inspirational and brave. Giving up is not in our blood. There have been wars amongst the people, there have been plagues but time and time again there is salvation, a better era around the corner, brighter days, smiling faces. People will forever continue to rise from the ash and flourish on this earth. Too much has been accomplished by the people no matter the circumstances or previous defeats to ever stand still and no longer push forth.

There are so many amazing things hiding within ones soul but sometimes there are thick walls blocking out the potential. After meeting failures that lead to the loss of hope in ones self the incredible potential will never surface. There are no situations worth giving up over only situations worthy of a triumph. There permanent pain of never knowing what could have been will always hurt more than the temporary feeling of defeat. That is why we may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. We are not our mistakes nor should we be judged on them. The joy in life is being alive so why not live? Life the life you desire. That can only be accomplished with perserverence, a couple of mistakes and never giving up.

Her words... I love that these are her words!! 

as a mom I feel like I so often am Charlie Brown's teacher ...standing in front of the class with no one really paying attention and all the kids hear is blah blah blah blah wha wha wha .... reading this was not only touching that my own personal struggles in life, just to even to have her! taught her something.. that's huge and puts some more worth to what I went through.. but also that she hears some of what I try to teach her and her sisters... that some of my words make it through the blah blah blah wha wha wha

that was a great moment for this momma

now only if they would listen to what I have to say about some other things!!

I will take what I can get!


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