the BIG reality check

So I have eluded to the fact that I somehow thought that childbirth and having a new born baby was going to be a lot easier than it was .. then it is! yah I am still finding myself caught "off guard" by being a mom to a new baby ... again !

In my mind I had pictured my time off as this magical time where I would finally be able to DO all the things that I have wanted to do since I moved into this townhouse 5 years ago.... ok my eyes just popped out of my head like some Tom & Jerry Cartoon... 5 years??!!! that feels impossible that it has been that long! WOW ... so yah I have been pretty much a work horse aka workaholic since I became 100% financial for my kids ... what choice did I have?! but that's another blog :) ... I have wanted to paint my place, reorganize, finally go through the boxes still unpacked in the garage, organize photos, and all that sort of thing since I moved here ... but ya the reality is with a newborn (just over 6 weeks old) I am so sleep deprived and excited over getting a solid 2 hour span of uninterrupted sleep and therefore this 40 year old body is NOT healing as fast as it did when I was uh hem .. younger!! ... and then the seemingly constant demand my baby has to nurse ... and my grand delusions of doing all I had wanted seems pretty far out of reach.

I am talking myself into being ok with that :)

It can wait I say
It's waited 5 years! whats a few more months?!

BUT the reality is that I am not always a highly motivated person when it comes to deep cleaning purging and organizing ones things kind of person ... I much more of a procrastinator and I think reality is ... I probably won't do all those things :) ... it's much more up my Hubby's ally!

I think I am a "the glass is half empty" kind of person when I always thought of myself as opposite ... oh I have had a LOT of time to think and therefore over pyschoanalyse things and myself while I sit and watch Netflix and feed change and burp the baby! ... over thinking things is something I have always done!! I have been feeling the clock ticking down to when I have to go back to work instead of being like oh I have SO many months before I have to go back to work, I have been thinking, oh man I ONLY have so many months before I go back to work!! and I feel sad and like I am running out of time.... could be a little postpartum going on as well...I am trying really hard to be aware of my feelings so I don't spiral down into postpartum depression and not know it.

ok so that is the part that I am struggling with ... what I am LOVING about being home is

my baby
have you seen him?
he is freaking cute and adorable and has these cheeks that are just edible!!


I love him to pieces!! He is starting to smile now and I can tell he wants to talk ... his eyes totally smile and I cannot wait to watch his little personality develop!

He loves the bath. He has great aim when he pees when I change his diaper :)
He is so noisy!!!! he grunts and squeaks all the time. 

He is 1 loved little baby boy!

so all the things that I aspired to do ....like becoming the best most famous blogger ever :) , sewing must have LaLa Diaper bags and painting inspiring works of art .... and the cleaning purging and organizing aka my not so loved activities.... are going to have to wait a little while longer!!!


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