5 weeks

I am surprised that I have had as little time as I somehow thought I would have ... up in my mind I thought this was going to be a LOT easier then it has been... I didn't expect to be THIS tired... to be THIS sore... to be THIS mush brain ... to feel THIS stressed out by little things that I would expect a first time mom to feel ... to feel THIS overwhelmed.... but I do!

Overall Brahm is a great baby ... lately he has developed a yeast infection (most likely due to the antibiotics I had to take for the Mastitis that I developed on week 2 .. the week after I had milk fever .. both weeks had me having a temp of 102!! and feeling VERY VERY lousy to say the least!) He is a super feeder and hence why the little not so little guy has gained 5 pounds in 1 month .. pretty much every morning I pick him up and say "yup you gained more weight" ... even with his tongue tie he eats and eats and eats ... which means he poops and poops and poops .. which isn't his favourite and causes us all some grief ... add to that the yeast infection and the little guy is NOT so comfortable!

I find when he cries I almost feel panicky ... not so much when we are home but when we are out in public and I am not sure if that is a little postpartum or what but I find my anxiety definitely increases... my temperament goes a little short .... and all I can think of is "go home" ... so that is all a little unexpected as well. My hubby is taking it all in stride as I can be a little snippy and short by bed time and my patience has all run out.

I continue to be amazed at how I thought this all was going to be a walk in the park .. it's my 5th, no big deal kind of thing ... but it's not .. or maybe THIS is exactly what it is like to have your 5th?! :)

Physically I am not "bouncing" back ... yah my skin still feels like a giant ball of play dough :) I am reminded again and again .. I am 40 now .. not 27 (when I had Faith) ... there is a difference!! I can fit into most of my jeans and clothes but everything just feels different still!

It feels like I am a little drunk, for the lack of a better description, most of the time .. sometimes sentences are hard to put together and finding the right words is like searching my brain for something that I know is there I just am not sure where to find it!! ... baby brain or mush brain is in FULL effect here!!

The girls all love him and Paul is so in love ... I love watching them all goo and gush over him!

My mom LOVES holding him and talking to him ... I LOVE watching that!

I love all my friends and family gushing over this precious little miracle that we are so blessed to have!! I LOVE my little baby with every fibre of my being ... I just could use a month of sleep :)


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