the story of Brahm

I honestly thought that by now I would have had several blog posts up and that I would have "bounced" back from having a baby.... despite the fact that I am 40 and my youngest is almost 13!!! I really thought I would be in full Susie Homemaker mode by now!!

reality check!!

I feel more like the cartoon at the end of the Carol Burnett Show of the messy lady who looks a wreck trying to mop the stage with NO enthusiasm ..scratching her backside ... yup thats me alright!!

I know how old I am ... I knew there are almost 13 years between babies ... and yet somehow in my mind I had really thought that my labour was going to FEEL like baby #5...whatever that is supposed to feel like!! .. and that I would FEEL like myself shortly after giving birth .. yah so not so much!!

This might be a little TMI here for any gentlemen folk :)

My contractions were doing what my contractions did with the others ... start and stop ... start and stop ... feeling VERY tired and at the end of what I felt I could physically keep carrying and with the total 100% permission of my OB/GYN who after checking me out and said I was already 2cm dilated and he did a membrane sweep I went for 2 acupuncture treatments ... and after the 2nd treatment I went back to my Dr who checked me and seeing that I was now 4cm did another sweep and told me if things picked up to head into the hospital....he was figuring that due to this being my 5th baby things would be moving quite fast ... I was also a "good pusher" so he figured on how fast my last 3 were born, once I got to the pushing stage that things would be fast!! .... the obstacle at the time was the maternity ward was full and there was a chance that I would  be sent to another hospital ... that was NOT ok with me!! My Dr was also heading out of town on the evening of the 6th ... and I DID NOT want another Dr to deliver my baby ,, in fact I had quite a bit of anxiety over the thought of that .. it was baby or bust before my DR went away or I was going to be doing everything in my power to hold the baby IN until he got back!!

Thursday afternoon I was at children's hospital with my youngest ... that is another blog post .. when the contractions started around 2:00 ... I went in at 3:00 for the 2nd acupuncture and then 5:30 to my Dr office where he did the 2nd sweep ... then I went home and the contractions continued ... so we packed the bags... called in the guards :) ... and I paced a bit and bounced on my big exercise ball to keep things going ... at 8:30 we called the hospital to let them know things were about 3-5 min apart and to see if they had an open room yet .. they were just discharging someone so they told me to come on in ... an hour later as we were walking in the other people were walking out!! talk about timing!!  At 10:00pm my Dr came in and checked me..things were still progressing and so he made the call to break my water ... this was it .. no going back!!!

the contractions continued and were soon 1.5-2 min apart... and holding!! and so the Labour really began ... my Dr went to go lay down and the nurse kept checking me .. I was dilating very very slowly ... in fact I got to 6 cm and seemed to be stuck a bit .. I tried having a bath... I sucked the gas and tried to will the pain in my legs and hips away .. the frustrating part for me is that I had the overwhelming desire to push but the nurse kept telling me to stop as I wasn't fully dilated ... at 4:30am my Dr woke up and felt like something was wrong .. he really was surprised that he hadn't been woken up yet for me .. literally my Dr was only there for me!! the nurses told me that I must be a VIP to have him there on a Thursday night and it wasn't an emergency!!! ... yup once again bragging about how amazing my DR is and how privileged I am to have him!!! ... so he comes in and says whats going on . the nurse tells him I am not dilating so he checks me .. baby is still WAY up but I am totally efaced and thinned right out and he can stretch my cervix ...so he says do you feel like you have to push.. I said yes ... he said let's see what happens when you push ... so I pushed and baby starts moving down a little ... he said to the nurse "we need to listen to nature here .. both nature and the mom are saying push .. so let's push" ... so he told me lets have a baby here ... and so I pushed .. with his hand there which is ummm yah a little rough!! but I pushed and it was good cuz at this point I had sucked so much gas and was just so tired of such intense labour for so long that I felt loopy and like I was loosing control, and that is not something you want to feel! so I pushed and within 20 min my baby was born!! the cord was wrapped around his neck so when his head was clear I had to do that panting breathing for a bit while they pulled the cord over his head and I have to say birthing his head I was so shocked at the pain!! I even have to laugh at that myself but I honestly was .. I think I thought I was going to "fart" him out :) ... I wasn't expecting that ring of fire that I had with Morgan almost 21 years ago!! that was intense and by far the worse part of the whole experience... but then he was here... at 5:00 am 7lb 13 oz 21 in long ... my Brahm

My oldest 2 daughters, my mom, my best friend and of course my hubby were all there! a little bit of a crowd but the room was large :) and Paul was happy for the company as he was sure he would fall asleep which of course I would have beaten him for!!! Nadine was awesome at my side and we even had a little fun with the gas :) ... and of course my momma!! she has been there for the birth of all 13 of her grandchildren and I think that is pretty special ... having 2 of my daughters there was a little different .. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about that .. or how it would scare them :) but they both did great! Emily wants to be an OB/GYN so she was all in and Morgan being a married woman and all was curious as she wants to start their family in 5 years or so. So Brahm was born into a room full of love!

It kind of seemed that the nurses didn't know what to do with me!! here I was 40 and with baby #5.. so I was left alone A LOT .. I didn't mind that .. and the ones that didn't leave me alone were cute giving me the run down of what to do .. it was like they had a list of things they had to go over and were determined to do it ..even though I really did know it all .. it was good to get a refresher :) ... and my DR took the opportunity to turn the events that morning into a teaching moment for the Resident who asked my DR to assist and the 2 nurses that were also in attendance .... he kept saying Nature was trying to tell us something we have to listen to Nature .. we can't always go by the book!! he told me that if he had woken up early and come in then Brahm would have been born earlier ....but no sense going back I am just so glad it's over and he is here :)

Paul took over a week off of work and I can't tell you how much that was a life saver!! from driving the girls around and picking stuff up for me and cooking and helping in general with the baby ... HUGE for me!! I was dreading him going back to work ... especially after I got Milk Fever 4 days after he was born and then last week getting Mastitis ... it's been a challenge for me to say the least. Healing has been slower and I am reminded over and over that I am not in my 20's anymore!!! nope this is definitely harder at 40 physically speaking!!

Brahm has a small heart murmur and so today we saw the paediatrician and she can still hear it although she says she is not really concerned but she wants to listen to it again in 1 month from now ... other than that he is perfect ... I found myself really looking him over ... like really looking him over .. in my mind there has been worry that something was missed ... that maybe something would be wrong ... when you have had so many losses I think these fears appear and it's all you can do to keep pushing them back and not letting them overtake you! It's like a part of you has been holding your breath the entire pregnancy and once he is finally checked over really really well you can finally let it go!!

He was weighed today at the Dr office and weighed in at 9lb 12oz ... considering he was 7lb6oz when we left the hospital after loosing 7oz after birth .. I would say my son is doing really really well!! he wants to eat ALL the time which means he has to poop ALL the time ... and he doesn't really like pooping which is the only time he really fusses ... but it is tiring! I definitely feel the drain of the demand and am just trying to find our rhythm together. I am having to learn how long it takes to get a new born myself and teenage girls out the door!! ha that is a fun challenge :) never say never people!!! The girls are really helpful which is awesome and they love holding him.. it's great birth control :) .... he doesn't get put down much and I think that may become a problem as he is going to have to get used to not being held 24/7 at some point!!

All in all things are well ... yes I am tired .. ok I am beyond tired but I also know that this too shall pass and before you know it he will be 21!!

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