33 week journal entry

I haven't been able to post for a long time .. between the death of the girls friend and trying to comfort them through that and Christmas and all the prep that comes with that besides being one of our busiest times at work .. I feel like I have been going full tilt and just trying to keep one foot in front of the other!

The progress that I felt was being made with my daughter and her anxiety and depression basically took 5 steps back in the grief and shock of her friends murder.. how could it not?! that was hard to watch.. hard to watch these girls try to wrap their minds around something so senseless and tragic. Taking your teens to a funeral for their friend and it be a murder scenario.... more than surreal!!

Finding the Christmas spirit after all that was challenging.. especially for my 14 year old ... she was so crushed and sad. In the end it was a lot quieter Christmas then we have had ... pretty much since I can remember!! it was nice but definitely a lot more low key.

Work has been crazy on the other hand so maybe it was good our family Christmas was so quiet!! I am finding it really hard to make it through the day without whining ... hahaha ok thats an understatement!! I have my full on WHINE mode going on :) .... with my other girls I didn't work this far into the pregnancy and for 2 of them I was on bed rest!! so this is a big difference for me plus add 13 years!! the bones be feeling it! :)

Sleep is not my friend... my back aches all the time and my rib cage feels bruised.... the baby is measuring 5lb1oz according to the last ultrasound I had on the 31st ... and he is busy trying to stretch me out so he has more room!! I don't remember how much the girls moved .. that was a long time ago! I don't remember their kicks being so hard or so frequent. It seems that when I am awake so is he and moving away!!

So needless to say I am really really really tired!! I go to work and 5/7 nights a week am crashed out at home directly after ... the other 2 nights I am forcing myself to be WITH my girls or hubby ... the energy is just fading so fast!

I think I am pretty much ready for baby to arrive... I have at least enough to get me by! :)

I really cannot wait to be done work on the 20th ... like really really cannot wait!! my Dr's as well told me the next time I come in (on the 21st) I better be telling him I am done work ;) my Dr's get so paternal with me its quite cute!!

well just wanted to document this so when Baby H is older I can let him read it and how much I went through to bring him into the world :) ... work is calling so it's time to muster my strength and get at it!


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