the diagnosis!!

So it's official ... my daughter has ADHD and Anxiety ... the Anxiety I always knew about but I have to admit that for most of her life I have just felt that she was difficult and challenging and maybe more than I could handle a lot of the times.

I am learning a lot in this process .. mostly about ADHD and what happens when it gets left untreated for such a long time ... basically the place where we are now .. the lack of being able to get her to go to school and out for social gatherings at times as well,  and the vast emotional highs and lows are all due to the ADHD being untreated for so long .. it doesn't just go away nor do people grow out of it like they initially thought many years ago.

It was just in September when I took her the last time to our family Dr pretty much begging for help ... I felt so helpless, so lost as to help my baby girl who was obviously struggling so much and it was clear it was much more then behaviour! sitting there with him almost angry at me saying "I will not drug her, bottom line" and then looking at her and saying " you need to suck it up" ... the impact that had on her .. the quick downward spiral after that as she felt there was something wrong with her because she COULDN'T suck it up ... the defeat we both felt and the obvious feeling that we were making it up and just looking for an "easy out" ... which is SOOO not true! I am not a drug pusher ... ok that sounds bad.. but I have never been one to rush to give my girls antibiotics or thought wow if only they could drug her I could handle her ... it really took me realizing that there was so much more going on behind the "behaviour" to keep pushing like I have the last couple of months.

She has always hated school ... so her not going A LOT .. really isn't anything new to me! so not a red flag in my world, the realization that she could maybe not graduate, and the fact that she is not out there skipping and having a great time but sitting at home and crying ... pretty sure she's not doing it for poop and giggles!!

We are going to be starting a private assessment next month for learning disabilities for her as well ... she has been on the public school list for assessment since grade 2 ... I have no idea how long it is supposed to take normally but pretty sure we have surpassed normal! add to that we moved a few schools/ the divorce which meant I was working 7 days a week for a long time and in survival mode/ to life in general with other children in the home/ remarriage/ and all the changes and adjustments our crazy life has had .. she has fallen through the cracks! It is apparent that she does have learning challenges as well... dyslexia runs pretty strong throughout my family ... so this added to the untreated ADHD and the anxiety and the teenage angst and all the adjustments and the girl has had a LOT against her, like a lot a lot :(

Both of us now feel hope in a situation where we haven't felt hope in so long!! and that is soooo amazing!

She is starting medication today and I feel just fine about it .. in fact more than fine!! all steps forward!!


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