the change of it all

Since I first learned I was pregnant, shortly after my 40th Birthday, I began to wonder and think about how this little miracle baby would change our lives.

I tried to not think about it too much in the beginning as I was trying really hard to NOT get attached, as horrible as that may sound my history of miscarriages has taught me to proceed with caution!!

The simple fact is... this baby changes a lot of things!! I am going from a mom of teens and 1 married adult (still so weird!!) with pretty much freedom to come and go as I please ... to a mom of teens/adult AND a new baby with a sleeping and feeding schedule! I also am going from being one of the youngest moms in my kids classes to one of the oldest when this little guy starts school!

Adding to this and the fact that I could very well be a grandma ( ok I think I just about had a panic attack yeesh!!  ) in the next several years .... we are moving! at least that is the plan! the paper work has been submitted and now we are patiently waiting for the US Government to send us the next batch of information they need from me and my 3 girls so we can immigrate South hopefully the beginning of the summer. It's the shortest immigration EVER ... cuz we plan to be just on the other side of the border but regardless of where we go in the States the paperwork, fees and process is the same! However ... it is still another Country! there will be a border separating us from my family and friends... so even though I will live close by ... it's still a pretty big change! 2 of my kids will be going to school down there and then of course my little boy will do all his schooling down in the States. Our lives will most likely be shifting to 80% US and 20% Canada ... at least that is what I think it will! I do plan on still working up here but even that can change in the future, who knows what is in store for me career wise down the road?!

So I wonder... how will this change things? how will this change my friendships and the dynamics of the people in my life? does it have to change things?

I think the simple fact that I am having a baby ... and my already limited time will be even more limited, it will have an impact but for those that are understanding and just keep showing up, it won't be an issue... for others it may be the dividing factor and I can't make that call for them.

I plan on breastfeeding and this means that where ever I go .. baby goes! I nursed Faith until she was almost 2 .. I have no plans on how long I will nurse for as I really believe it's a baby~mommy decision but I don't plan on stopping in the first year! In fact I never even gave any of my babies "real" food until they were past 7-8 months old! This means that next years sibling trip to Hawaii ... is postponed!! a brand new baby on vacation really isn't my idea of a vacation and the fact that our maternity leave is only 55% of your wages means we just won't have the funds to go anyways! That is a drastic cut in wages and that will mean some changes for my family as well as budget will have to be King!

So many changes!

Honestly I embrace these changes... I mean what other choice do I have?

Although we had laid down the plans for trying for a baby and had decided to not proceed down that road ... it happened!! I had no plans 3 years ago on ever remarrying and then to find Paul and him be an American (he is actually a dual citizen) and us all moving down to be closer to his work and his family ... I would never have known .. but I am married to him, I love him to the end of time, I will follow him gladly where ever he wants to go, and I embrace all the wonderful changes that having him in our lives brings!

For the girls this baby is also going to mean big changes... I won't be able to just drop everything and drive them right then and there when they want... my energy will most likely be depleted for the first couple of months as Baby H and I find our rhythm. A baby is demanding and I am sure they will have to adjust their feelings as they might feel like they are taking a back seat to the baby for the first while. It is a huge adjustment when they have not lived with a baby in the house for a very very long time!! this is so different then babysitting ... this baby will not be "going home" at the end of the evening!! It will be a challenge I am sure finding the balance of being in awe of this little miracle baby and making the one on one time my girls need from me.

It also changes the fact that Paul goes from just being their step-dad to the father of their baby brother ... it's a life long tie! 1 that I am actually extremely grateful for! I think this tie will be a welcome change in our family dynamics!

so sooooo many changes! and really not in a huge amount of time and not sure how everyone will adjust but they will adjust cuz people do!





No comments: