If you read my last post you would know that my weekend was going to be crazy ... well it didn't disappoint!
This post is kind of hard to write in the fact that it is so personal and I want to write it carefully as to not expose my kids but to write it from the only perspective that I can ... mine!
Teen girls ... where to begin?! I know I am not the first mom to raise teen girls and I will not be the last. I know in my own house growing up the youngest of 4 girls, I observed a LOT of teen girl drama... like a LOT! Due to the age gap between me and my oldest 2 sisters I became an Auntie at 8 years old, I am actually closer in age to my nephew then I am to his mom, my sister. We had cousins live with us, a foster sister, a teen boy so he could go to the church basement school we attended, and we always had stragglers sleeping on the couch. To say my house was full and busy is an understatement. I get crazy ... I grew up in it :) and I have to say I feel I had a great childhood! no scars here :)
My house .... how would one describe my house?! why do I even care how one would describe my house?! I think as much as we protest we don't care what others think or say, there is always a part of us that does.
I have a lot of factors that I could use to excuse certain behaviour in my house ... the divorce, their dads illness when they were so young and impressionable, all the reasons that led to the divorce, my choices that I made, the guilt I carried and let rule me for a long time, the fact that I worked so much, my own anti-confrontational personality .. ok some of you may not believe that I hate confrontation but I do, I will try to avoid it at all costs just certain things I will confront without that hate/fear and mostly involves protecting my girls.... so many factors/excuses and yet here I am ... this is my house and my girls and without it sounding like a lame cliche it's really true that I am doing the best that I can with what I have.
There are things about my girls that I worry so much about ... they are strong willed, Lord help me and I can't wonder where they get it from cuz I know exactly!! I have some pretty realistic things to worry about and yet I know that really there is only so much I can do and say to prevent things from happening. I talk....like ok duh if you have met me in person you know I have the gift of the gab! I talk freely and openly with my girls, I always have. My goal was to create an environment where they can as easily talk to me as I was able to do with my own mom.
I have a great relationship with my mom, she is one of my very best friends! we work together and share everything together. There really isn't much I can't tell her and I have tried to replicate that with my kids... and I think I have succeeded ... in fact there have been conversations with my girls where I am totally squirming on the inside and trying to keep a straight face on the outside ... I knew it was so important to keep my girls talking to me. Growing up as a teen the simple fact that I would tell on myself to my mom actually kept me from making some bad choices! what I didn't tell her she guessed we were that close! I LOVE my mom and love our relationship to this day.
Today's society makes it even harder to guard and protect our girls... they are exposed to way more then I was ever exposed too.... they have access to the world in their pockets and their hands 24/7... it's kind of scary.... but it's here so I want to learn how to work with it, cuz I don't think I am going to win against it. Just have to rant for a minute ... What the H is with these party buses that parents are renting for their 14/15 year old girls? where the girls dress like hoochie momma's and parade around with their butt cheeks hanging out?! how are we ok with the way kids are dressing so sexy and even when I take the girls shopping its a challenge to find clothing that is actually appropriate!! it's in our faces and I hate it... I feel like we are fighting loosing our girls innocence younger and younger and there seems to be no end in sight! whats with sexy photos on instagram and filming each other going pee on the toilets... seriously one of my girls showed me in disgust just last night on snap chat... it's bizarre I feel like I am in a battle with my girls innocence and up against Goliath!
In the end I have to see the positives, I have to major on the majors and not the minors, picking my battles is sometimes a moment to moment chore! 2 of my girls love piercings... I don't so much but I got over it and really one day they can take them out and no big deal ... but I sometimes wonder what other people see and how the piercings peg them into a stereotype?! I don't care, but I do. I don't want my girls to be labeled or judged or be one of THOSE girls that other mothers don't want their girls to be around. I know my girls are strong and therefore are capable of being leaders... I tell them all the time, BE THE GIRL THAT OTHERS FOLLOW NOT THE GIRL THAT FOLLOWS OTHERS ... but they have to choose that and walk it out.. I can just be here and keep talking and listening... I have to admit that I am better at talking then listening. I am working on listening.
With my youngest just turning 12 I know that I have several more years of this fun stage of teen girls ... maybe it gets easier?!