Confessions of an almost 40 year old ... part duex

I think I should clarify that I am not writing this "confession" cuz I am looking for a new diet!! or cuz I am needing to lose weight, which I know I do need to do as in I am not at what I "should" be ... I think what I am wanting to say or trying to say and I just didn't have time in my last post is ... are we ever satisfied with our bodies? Should we be? If you are, do you let people know that or do you hide it? Are we really honest with others about how we see ourselves?

I recently read an article from the Elephant Journal about how we represent ourselves to the world aka Facebook ... it really made me think and it's something that I have tried to express myself before but the article they wrote captured it way better then I ever have. On Facebook we read lots of Inspirational Quotes ... which are great ... lots of encouraging stories and little positive snippets of ones life, at least what they want us to know and hey I don't need or want to know everything about everyone all the time, ok well maybe I do but I am just a curious kind of person :). Facebook updates can lead to a false sense that all is right in their world and they are just flying high, all the time .. I am not sure that that is wrong either cuz really it's facebook people it's NOT real life interaction with people face to face and I for one don't like constant negative posts ... that may be just me but sometimes I feel like saying "really?!" when I read negative post after negative post ... BUT maybe that person is crying out for help, or attention, or maybe that's just their perspective and the glass is always half empty? .. I don't know, I don't spend that much time thinking about it ..I just scroll on past! and I am not saying people shouldn't post what they want or that they can't say "I am having a bad day" cuz being honest is awesome! I have done it myself! I am referring to the constant negativity, maybe I digress! ... please don't read this and if I am a facebook friend of yours and you do a lot of negative updates think that I am attacking you ... just my opinion :)

I think the point is we tell people what we want them to know, whether it's the truth or not, facebook gives us the space to share what we want, how we want, and when we want .... at least I hope that's the point that I am making :)

So back to body image .... I find myself realizing that my girls face a way harsher society then I ever did growing up... like I mentioned in my last post growing up in the 70's/80's I didn't feel pressure to dress a certain way, the tv adds were not full of almost naked people!, "sex sells" was not behind the advertisements in magazines! today my girls face sexy provocative images constantly ... the clothing stores are FULL of skimpy items that are all the rage and popular, in fact so much so that finding decent modest clothing is a challenge! I have seen little girls at 8 years old wearing fish net stockings and mini mini skirts ... it's appalling to me.

How are these girls going to have a healthy body image with all this?
Am I contributing in any way to my girls having an unhealthy body image? How do the words that I describe myself with affect my girls? How do the words I describe others with affect my girls?

I tend to think we judge ... like a LOT ... at least I know I can be honest enough to say that I do. My judgement on others does affect myself as I know that if I can judge others so easily, they can do it to me. Maybe our own self worth, whether it be healthy or self-loathing, is what is projected on others?... I learned a lot about projection as I lived under it for many many years! So I ask myself, how do I project? I know that the fact that I never wear shorts.. and I mean I NEVER wear shorts .. is due to the fact that I have often observed a woman wearing shorts that was firmly crawling up her bum and thought wow that person should NOT be wearing those shorts ... and I never want someone to think/say that about me ... cuz I know they would be crawling away as if the shorts life depended on it :) ... is that judgement? projection? being realistic? cruel honesty? maybe I am too self-conscious? and WHO cares if my bum is hungry for my shorts?! ok I obviously care or I would wear them! maybe that is a silly example but hey that's me :)

My point, yes I have a point :) is how much does " I would never be caught dead in that" ... affect our OWN body image?! how much does how we view others taint how we view ourselves?... or maybe it's the way that we view ourselves taints the way we view others?

I want to have a healthy body image... and a healthy body! This morning I woke up thinking about my grandma (my dad's mom) and was remembering how when I would sleep over she would lie in my bed with me rub my back and tell me stories or sing me songs ... she was an amazing woman in a small package...she wasn't even 5 feet tall ... (she died a horrible death of cancer at the age of 77, only 5 years older then my mom is today)  I have her body type.. although I am taller then she was, I am the same round full figure kind of gal... I wondered this morning, did she ever diet? or watch what she ate? she was the BEST cook ever and had a green thumb, her vegg and flower gardens were amazing... she canned, baked and cooked all the time .. her cabbage rolls and perogies were simply the best! she wasn't fat, she was pleasantly chubby :) and I don't think she worried a day about it ... at least she NEVER would have put it on facebook if she did!

to be continued ... :)


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