I am sure some time over the past 4 years I have written a post with a similar name!
This week...actually back it up a bit .. this year :) has been a little crazy! things have been going on left right and centre ... from a quick glance...heck even a major study... it would seem that things are literally "falling apart" .. and NO not my marriage!! lets make that clear right off the bat. My hubby is not going anywhere! he is literally more afraid of God then he is afraid of me :) and he didn't wait 41 years to get married to get divorced!! nor is there any need to! our marriage really is amazing.. read all my past gushy mushy posts!!
There have been things going on with my daughters that I will not divulge on as it includes many people outside my immediate family ... and things going on at work as I hinted to in my last post about finding new shoes.... soooo many things .... sooooo much to think about and ponder and worry over and fall to my knees about and cry over and at times it literally has felt like at every turn something new to digest was hitting me. It's been a lot overwhelming for me.
Last week every day was bringing a new challenge ... at one point I was panicking about something and literally walking around in circles ...one of my long time employees texted me " breath Lise breath " .... more then once this week I had to go from zero to hero in the perspective that I had thought I had it all taken care of, found out it wasn't, people bailed and let me down, and I had to scramble to pull it all back together... it's been the kind of week that you find out what you are made of!
Adding to the crazy day to day of being an employer and an employee at the same time :) I am raising my teen girls... and add to that drama that is going on that is no cause of their own and I am dealing with very emotional, very very very emotional, teen/pre-teen girls and all the fluffy wonderful stuff that comes with that. I feel like I have been in the trenches this week... fighting for their feelings to be recognized, fighting to get them to see that I am here for them, fighting within myself to not beat myself up for circumstances that are well beyond my control... I am exhausted in so many ways. This week/month/year so far, has been a hard time to be a mom. Dr Phil really is NOT a good show to watch when you are in this place...that was a note to self here! I don't need to see the worse of the worse outcomes of what can happen with teen girls right now ;)
Tomorrow I have a Dr appt with one of my girls ... the anxiety, the stress, all the stuff that is being caused by outside forces is weighing on her incredibly and it's hard to watch, it's hard to always know what the right step is or what the right word is or how to deal with her pushing you away when you know it's not really you she is angry at but you are there so it's happening to you .... the fear thoughts I have dealt with this week are not fun.... I have had to tell myself to just breath Lise, just breath. I am not sure how hard to push and when I should cave?! Watching your daughter struggle for air in chaos is heart wrenching.
I honestly don't know if I make it worse in my head by all my worrying ... but I do worry, I do see the struggle, the battle that is inside of them to find out WHO they are inside of themselves and being a part of their society and then with all the added forces of family and all that comes with that. I worry.
So this week I stood trying to just breath and when all the poop was hitting the fan, and then I received a phone call and heard words that I had longed to hear but never thought I would and certain people came to stand at my side, yet again, and I saw a ray of light! and instead of looking at the obvious "falling apart" scenarios in front of me I made a conscious decision as seeing it as things were actually falling together!
I certainly didn't know 4 years ago I would be standing where I am today. I didn't know at 19 when my world turned upside down how God could turn that which was meant for evil for good and I could never have foreseen what my life would be like when I was the little girl sitting in the mud puddles playing without a care in the world.... but over and over in my life with all the experiences I have had... things have fallen together!
I believe that for my daughters, their lives will fall together, I believe that for every situation I am faced with, that turning my face to the ray of light will cause all things... to fall together!