when a momma worries

been sitting here thinking a think
worrying a worry
that's starting to stink
a worry about a little girl that is mine
worrying a worry
running out of time
raising these teens is no easy task
worrying a worry
happiness is all I ask
watching her struggle just to be her
worrying a worry
the spark is waning for sure
worrying a worry is a mom thing I know
worrying a worry trying to let it go
worrying a worry about my baby today
worrying a worry wishing it away

I have had this growing heaviness in my chest all week.... watching one of my girls struggle with things teenage girls struggle with .. this little one can't really hide her feelings as it's written all over her face! and it usually comes out in one way or the other. The helplessness that I feel is so hard to deal with. I just want to FIX it all for her. I want to run to the girls who are mean to her and tell them to stop .. I almost want to call their moms! but I know that will not help.. it will just make things worse... and I know my daughter is no angel either!! I am not ignorant to the ways of my children!! I am not talking about bullying here either! I tell you the word "bully" has become a multi million dollar industry and before you start sending me hate comments I get that it's an issue.. it's ALWAYS been an issue .. Cain killed Abel remember!... and yes there are way more means to be mean! and sending a text is easier then being mean to the face ... but girls are mean.. not an excuse just a reality! I am girl. I can be mean! what I am referring to is the "group" mentality ... the pack of girls that can either accept you or reject you ... or maybe do both back and forth that leaves a teen girl completely confused and always wondering HOW, IF she fits in.
Watching your teen daughters figure out WHO they are so that they can fit in.... that's tough!! I have told my girls you can be 1 of 2 types of people... the ones that influence others or the ones that are easily influenced by others ... it's a choice! and then you nag, preach, instil, whisper, scream and pray wisdom over them! and you have to let them walk out the door every day and face a new day of figuring out WHO they are and HOW they fit in and WHERE they fit in.
It's hard.
Today it feels like a giant is sitting on my chest the worry is so heavy. The tears are close and I feel guilty leaving her right now ... but I know there is not much I can do besides what I am already doing.
Telling her she is worthy
telling her she is beautiful on the inside out
telling her that she is valuable and precious and if others don't see it that is their loss
telling her to choose her friends carefully
telling her to choose her words carefully
the old Sunday School song comes to mind
be careful little eyes what you see
be careful little mouth what you say....
but moms ... we worry ...we love and we worry and worry and love. It's just what we do.

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