It is a year ago today that my hubby asked me to marry him! I knew it was coming..and even though I knew it was coming I was quickly trying to absorb it all and speed up my normally slow processing :) 2 days before he asked me to be his Mrs, my girls, all 4 of them were in fine form! I am sure I have blogged about this before but here it is again! :) when I say my girls were in fine form I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible!! like it was bizarre... not sure if it was a full moon, that time of the month for all of them, them still "adjusting" to their new life ... a combo of all of it or what? but it was a trying day! there I was trying to deal with the outpouring of attitude and frankly, rudeness, and not lose it completely to keep from looking like a freak to my boyfriend.. although I am pretty sure he already knew!! :) The proverbial poop was hitting the fan and it was ugly ... I know there was some stress involved at the fact that this guy was not being scared away by teenage girl tactics, although I think that was subconscious for the most part, and they were dealing with a new possible situation... in their defence they had been through an awful lot in the past couple of years.
I remember walking out to his truck as he was leaving for the evening and I just felt ... indifferent .... this was my life.. this was my reality! I had/have 4 daughters that have huge emotions and have NOOOOOO problem letting me know exactly how they feel ... I couldn't change that... it is what it is ... in my mind I was thinking "what man on earth would want to choose to be a part of all this emotional mess??... heck I DON'T even want to deal with it half the time!" ... my heart was still being protected by the walls I had put up years ago and I was resigning myself to the fact that this man would be walking away now.. and I totally didn't blame him ... now please all this is not being said to make my girls look like monsters!! but at the time the girls were still healing from the crap they had to go through and the pain of divorce and all that that brings not placing blame just stating facts.... so I stood by his truck, said goodbye, took a deep breath, telling myself once again "it is what it is" and braced myself as I walked back in to the house full of teenage drama... alone...
I had NOOOOO clue that he went home got down on his knees and prayed about what God's plan was for him and me and my little family ... this man is a man who fears God and wants to do what He wants him to do ... the next day he showed up at my work in the middle of the day much to my surprise .... we had lunch after I finished up my meetings and he said " I called your parents " ... my parents at the time were on a cross country trip in their RV for 3 months ... I said oh yeah... thinking that was strange ... he said "don't you want to know why I called your parents?" ... I didn't say anything, just had the wheels in my mind turning not wanting to jump to assumptions and trying to just take it all in ... he continued " I asked them for their blessing to ask you to marry me" ... I swallowed my food very slowly ... heart beating faster ... feeling all sorts of things and yet mostly this incredible sense of calm that I had felt since the moment I met him (calm for me was NOT normal!). He proceeded to tell me that he had prayed about it and he felt the Lord telling him "GO forward" he said, I really feel that God has a plan for me with your family and that I can be a good example to them and that they need to see their mom be loved and treasured. I was just trying to keep upright at this point ... he said words that my heart longed to hear and I knew they were not fluff meaningless words.. in the 3 months I had known him I knew he was who he said he was.. he didn't lie and he didn't make false promises .. he truly walked his talk.. He said I know you thought I was going to break up with you after yesterday and I knew now was the time to reassure you of my intentions ... I intend to marry you, to be your husband and to love you and your girls for the rest of my life.
Then we went back to my house and he stood there with his arm around me and stated to the girls " I am here to stay, I love your mom and I am not going anywhere, ever, if I hear you talk badly to her I will call you on it, I will not yell at you or hit you ever or try to be your dad cuz you have a dad but I am here to walk beside your mom and help her and help you as much I can and as much as you will let me" ... I can't believe I managed to stand up during that speech... it helped that his big strong arms were around my shoulders at the time.
The next day I was at work when he called me asking me what my ring size was ... I didn't know!! so then I told him after I figured it out and swallowed some more and as I was processing all the emotions and feelings one fact rose straight to the top of my mind... and heart ... I knew that I knew that this man would be good to me every single day of my life.... so later that afternoon when he walked into my house I knew why he was there .. my sister happened to be there and then my friend showed up and I delayed him and dragged out his torture... he was soooo nervous and then finally grabbed me in the house and said "so do you want me to do this in front of them?" I giggled and said no ... dragged out his torture even more :) and then we arranged the kids (they were demanding a trip to staples to get school supplies and my sister ended up taking them!) .. and we were off to the beach... found a parking spot... walked to the board walk he saw the bench and said can we go over there? so we did and he sat across from me and professed his love and told me how he felt God had brought us together and that God had a plan for our lives and he wanted to be a part of my family .. then he asked if he had to get on one knee... I said yes he did.... so he did and he opened the ring box and asked me to be his wife ...
I haven't looked back a day or moment since ...
1 year later today and saying yes was the smartest head and heart decision I have ever made!
Today my baby girl starts grade 6!! how is it possible that this little girl of mine is only 2 years from finishing elementary school??!!! ahhhhhhhh the pic of the 2 of us was taken the summer of 2011.. only 2 years ago... I can't believe how fast she is growing ... taller then me now! it goes by so very quickly.. as all moms know! just way too fast sometimes!!
The other 2 are starting grade 8 and grade 9 today ... no pics yet cuz I am at work and left hubby (he is home sick today) at home to deal with the drama of them trying to get ready for the whole HOUR they have to go to school.... I am SOOO glad I am at work :)
1 year later and he has more then proven to us that he meant what he said ... there have been bumps and bruises and major learning curves for all involved but healing has happened and we are meshing more and more... life is never easy but living my life with this calm Godly man at my side makes me stand taller, smile bigger and love larger!!