when the truth hurts
One can never tell what the effects of being divorced is going to do to your kids until much later. My prayer is that the wounds won't be deep and unending.
When I said I do to my girls father, I meant it. I never imagined being divorced even though the marriage was not good and the signs were there.. heck they were there before we got married but I do not regret my marriage as my children are the bi-product and mere words cannot fully capture a mother's love for her children!
Add to the fact that my children.. all girls... parents are divorced, they have a step mom and a step dad to contend with... along with 6 step-siblings.. it's a lot.. add to that they are teenagers, cept for the baby she is 11 and a pre-teen no doubt...so with the hurts the fears the mistrust the hormones the angst of being a teenager the peer-pressure the body-image issues and you have ingredients for a serious bomb to go off.
I feel myself constantly vigilant in my watching for signs of the said bomb to be set off... it's exhausting and my own faith and trust issues are definitely put to the test.
Then when I find notes that say the following
" I hate my F*)#$g life, my parents are divorced and I hate that.Both my parents remarried this year. Step mom and Step dad are alright but my life is seriously F*(@d UP."
I know that there are issues not so buried deep.
They are not ok. They are not happy with how things have turned out. They are not totally in love with their new step parents... they are having to adjust because of decisions that were made for them. They are having to adapt and open their hurt hearts to love more people that may hurt them as well... after all if the 2 people who are not supposed to hurt you hurt you who is to say you are safe from others?
This is the truth and the reality.
My prayer is that as we walk forward that time will heal their wounds. I can only speak from my position that their step dad loves them and feels that God chose him to be there for the girls.. to love them unconditionally to be a stable Godly influence in their impressionable lives...to love their mom and show them how their mom should be treated. He was an answer to prayer that I didn't feel I deserved for a long time but I knew the girls deserved it.. and now I know I deserve it as well.
The truth is the layers to divorce and a bad marriage are many. To simply say "the girls are great they love so and so and are so happy" is a lie. There is pain yet to feel through and tears to be shed. I am so thankful that there is laughter in there as well but the work is deep and its not an easy road.I am grateful to have my husband at my side as we walk this out. I am grateful for my community and all the people that love and cherish my girls. Truth is you need that when there is so much hurt to be healed.
Edited to add : please note that when I said above I can only speak from my position about their step dad it was NOT meant that he is the ONLY one who loves them blah blah blah.. I mean simply I can only write from my experience, what happens in my home, that does not mean love is not happening in other homes towards the girls it's just I can only write what I know from our end of things!! not an attack.. not a slam.. just the way things are. I wrote this from a hurting mom's heart for what I SEE and LIVE with my girls.. the effects of my choices... not putting blame on anyone else.. to read that into what I wrote is sad and people need to stop reading things into what is not there!