This is the Wikipedia definition of Self-Confidence ..... "Self-confidence does not necessarily imply 'self-belief' or a belief in one's ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain 'confident' in one's demeanour simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. Belief in one's abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.[original research?] Studies have also found a link between high levels of confidence and wages. Seemingly, those who self-report they were confident earlier in schooling, earned better wages and were promoted more quickly over the life course. Other authors have related higher self-confidence when people know how to manage their inner critic."
When it comes to raising my girls I often worry.. ok like more then often worry :).. I wonder what their individual strengths and weaknesses will be.. I have my hopes and dreams and wishes and I get the power of prayer and raising them with strong examples and a strong loving community but I also get the simple fact of one own identity and perception in life and how that forms who we are to become. There are outside forces and inside forces at work constantly.. there are spiritual forces and human forces at work... one of my older sisters said about raising teenagers .... "it's a crap shoot" .. you do the best that you can to raise them right and when they turn that magical age of teenage!!! they make their own decisions and as much as you have done the best that you can with what you have at that time... it's still up to them and it's really a crap shoot!
I used to think she was being negative and didn't have enough "faith".... that was when my girls were small and actually had to do what I told them to do "or else" ... now they are that magical age of teenager and pre-teen and while I still can honestly say I have somewhat control over the pre-teen, I am definitely not in the same position with the teenagers!! I now get what she meant by it's a crap-shoot!!
If I could wish dream hope and pray 1 single quality or characteristic in my girls it would be that they would have and MAINTAIN a healthy self-confidence!!
I was a child who oozed self confidence... I knew who I was, what I stood for and where I wanted to go... I recognize now as an adult that those who thought I was cocky were short on self-confidence in their own lives and project!! I also have learned that what people are constantly calling others out on... are their own issues and are just "projectors" spewing how they secretly and deeply feel about themselves on to others!! it's a nasty trait! but that's not what I want to talk about... it's having that healthy self confidence in oneself that will ensure that no matter what life throws at them.. and it will throw up on them in many ways... that they will have the internal knowledge in who they are, what they stand for, and where they are headed in life.
I am an adult who is self-confident... I did waiver in my self confidence for many years for many different reasons.. but I didn't fully lose it or I wouldn't be standing where I am standing today! I know who I am.. I know what I stand for.. and I know where I am going! I also married a man who is the most self confident person I have ever met.. he's not cocky...he's not full of himself.. he just carries that self assurance that he knows who he is, he knows what he stands for, and he knows where he is heading.. and the fact that I have found that and he is walking beside me I believe my girls have a great example of what self confidence looks like.
To be honest I can see that some of the girls struggle with it in different areas... as girls at the magical age of teenager we have those struggles.. how do I compare with other girls? how do I fit in? the self discovery time is sooo hard mixed with the hormone upload the peer pressure and just today's society in general!! for instance.. and this is a total side bar rant.. can stores please offer more then skimpy clothing??!! like COME ON!! why are we not protecting our young and insist on exposing them?!! drives me nuts!! and why I boycott Victoria Secret and a few other stores now!!... basically I get that being a teenager is tough.. I remember! but if you are teenager without that self confidence I think it's a scary time... a dangerous time... and that is what I worry about.
I express my love to the girls all the time.. I mean I am a mushy kind of person and words are my thing!!! I affirm their personality and their strengths and point out their weaknesses in an effort to bring it to light... and I admit I don't always do it right totally not June Cleaver here!! but I am doing my best that I can with what I have.... the rest will be up to them!