life lessons #1134034930

In raising my teen/pre-teen girls my house is generally FULL to the brim with girls! my poor hubby :) and when it comes down to dealing with girls you get a lot of nasty hurtful situations! between sisters and between friends.... it's in the human nature to have conflict it seems. I am trying my best to instill into them the Biblical principle of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" "turn the other cheek" and such.... I get that it's hard sometimes and I fail at always following them myself.

My mom calls it the Law of Reciprocity ... so I looked it up ... "Reciprocity in social psychology refers to responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions. As a social construct, reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative than predicted by the self-interest model; conversely, in response to hostile actions they are frequently much more nasty and even brutal".

Within the girls relationships now and later they are going to have to learn to deal with conflict, to deal with unfair situations and unfair people. It's life. I actually wish we could wipe out the word "fair" from the dictionary!! I can't even find it in wikipedia! see it really doesn't exist! They also are having to learn that when 1 daughter gets something it doesn't mean I OWE them all the same... this seems to be a hard one for them at this age to grasp! I remember as the youngest it felt like I waited forever for the same privileges my older sister got... I wanted it NOW and I didn't understand why I couldn't! It seems to be a bit of a cultural epidemic as a lot of society wants instant gratification... and they demand it and expect it as well! being an employer in this mindset is challenging to say the least! 

As it happens so often it happened again today... just when I am the middle of teaching my girls something on an on-going basis it seems that I am hit with the same lesson! Murphy's Law or God's sense of timing? both?! What I can honestly tell my girls is that life is a lesson you never stop learning! stagnancy is death. There can be no life in a stagnant state. What I did see today, that I am so thrilled with, is how far I have walked forward in some aspects of my journey. To be able to FEEL the loss of some baggage that I carried for so long was amazing. To be able to experience the joy of a load no longer carried! to know that walking in forgiveness, always moving forward even if some days/times it feels no progress has been made,led me to experience the freedom like I did today... was exhilarating.. even if it was quickly threatened that real feeling I experienced cannot be taken from me, now I need to learn that if it isn't reciprocated  it's ok... that's not up to me and I am not sure I can even expect it!

I heard a great quote the other day

"never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you" ... I need to get this one from my head to my heart. 

So as I grow, learn, stumble, pull myself back up... I know that I am teaching my girls by example not just by words but by actions. Being a teen/pre-teen is SO not easy! I remember the emotional turmoil, the constant pulling of emotions, hormones and peer pressure... as an adult sometimes those are still big obstacles to overcome. I hope I am teaching them that it's ok to fail, it's ok to make mistakes but the aim and goal of their life should be to be an over-comer  To be women who forgive and walk in that. To be women who treat others as they want to be treated!  They don't have to be every ones friends...but they should be respectful and live their life full of joy!

I try to relate to the girls... to remember what it was like at their ages.... I wrote the poem below when my oldest was 12 in 2006... now my 3rd daughter is 12! and struggles with some of the issues my oldest did with her own twist to them... it's hard to watch them hurt and struggle and try to find themselves... so glad that I can teach them the best place to find themselves is on their knees! To surround themselves with people of a like mind and to live by basic principles..... at least that is my goal! 

what was it like to be 12?
to be changing and growing
and everyone knowing
what was it like to be 12?
tears quicker to run
missing childhood fun
what was it like to be 12?
I know best
got to be like all the rest
what was it like to be 12?
give me grace
cheeky to your face
what was it like to be 12?
noticing boys
loosing interest in toys
what was it like to be 12?
to protect what I feel
I no longer know what's real
what was it like to be 12?
so many voices in my head
which path will I be led
what was it like to be 12?


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