I wanted to try to record my feelings, thoughts and emotions as I am going through this journey. Here I am 38 1/2 years old YIKES... getting married after thinking I would NEVER walk down the aisle again... collecting last names is not something that I envisioned for my life! like ever! but here I am deeply in love...something again I thought I would never feel never experience and never let my heart be exposed to the potential of being hurt again. I never knew I would be where I am today and if I thought it was possible I certainly didn't think it would be so FAST!
and yet here I am .... 18 days away from collecting a new last name, from walking down the aisle, to pledging my love for this amazing man publicly!
I don't feel nervous... that is probably the most asked question I get... are you nervous?! nope not even a tiny bit! I am confident that this is right... like more then I know a lot of things, I know this.
I know that when I least expected it God brought this man who is exactly what I need into my life. I have never experienced such an easy relationship in my life. We have had disagreements and yet they don't feel like "fights" cuz nasty words are not said, names are not called and things don't escalate to impossible levels. It's calm... it's adult... it's refreshing ... it's amazing and I SOOOO can handle that for the rest of my life.
I sometimes feel like why me? why am I so blessed? why did I find this amazing person so fast and how is it possible that no woman snagged this guy??!! like honestly he is one in a million and it's not a too good to be true situation, I have NO blinders on, he is NOT perfect!! but he is perfect for me, perfect for my girls, perfect for my little Fab 5. I get that there will be big adjustments as we all learn to live together in this new situation but as I know that I know that God put this all together I know that He will help us through it.
We actually have amazing communication skills with each other! we are doing marriage counselling and we took this test and our Pastor/Counsellor said wow.. you guys are good! we scored very very high on the compatibility test and as far as issues go... letting go of my fears... adjusting to an instant family .... dealing with step-children and teen issues... ok as I type that I realize I deal with these things in my life right now!! and have done so alone! minus the step children part of course... having someone that listens to me, really hears me, loves me, loves God, in my life all the time ... well how can things NOT get better?!
I feel ready...ready for this next stage of my life to begin. A whole new chapter. A whole new opportunity to love and be loved. I am ready to be his wife and love him for the rest of my life. Maybe even ready to expand our family... even at my age and my stage of life (and yes at this some people and family think I really am a little crazy).. another thing I thought I would never do but this man has changed a lot of my "never's"!
Makes me realize yet again how 1 decision snowballs into a whole change of life events! I decided to go on a Christian dating site as I wasn't meeting anybody and I just wanted to see what was out there and hopefully maybe go on a few dates...nothing serious...no relationship hungry motivations ... I was content .... and whamo here I am within the year marrying this man who I met on-line who has changed my heart and brought me so much happiness. My favourite thing that I keep getting told is this .... the light is back in your eyes .. I have been told this by several people. I didn't know the light had gone out but I am LOVING that it is back and I am so very very happy and full of joy.
Never say never
(ps thank you to my oldest daughter who was our amazing photographer! she did such a great job and is very talented!!)