I am not sure if there has ever been such a long time between posts and I cannot be bothered to check :) but to say that I have been busy is an understatement and even typing that again I feel like I am a broken record!
I work a lot
I am a single mom
I am planning a wedding in a small time period
it's a lot! I know I don't need to explain it nor do I think anyone really cares to hear me drone on about it :) so I won't!
My parents were away for 3 months and I was holding down the fort in the business side of life and I was THRILLED that the very night they returned I finally slept through the night again! for you non-sleepers you know how much that is wanted craved and oh so needed! So now the fun of figuring out roles and what I am still going to do and what is possible ensues! :) that's always fun!! but then I am always up for a good challenge... in fact I think in my life I look for challenges and gladly take them on.. is there an undiagnosed mental disorder that explains that?! :)
As of today there are 49 days or exactly 7 weeks until I get married! Sometimes I still cannot believe I am getting married! I think I have written that statement many times and as the day quickly approaches I find I am more and more excited. Not that I wasn't excited before but I have been forever watching my man, scared in a sense that he would bolt, not because of who he is or has proven to me he is, but due to the past fears and experiences I have endured. My insecurities. We are going through marriage counselling as we recognize that taking on a divorced woman who was hurt to deep depths, who has 4 daughters who experienced pain in the midst of all the turmoil, add to that a dash of hormones.. ok ok a generous heaping helping of hormones, different personalities and we GET that this is not going to be a walk in the park! We need all the help that we can get. So far the counselling has been amazing and the results of the little on-line compatibility test that we took... well it's fair to say we aced it! :) his reaction "of course we did" my fiance is just a TAD black and white haha he scored very very high in the self confident section... this did not surprise me at all.... however my low score in the self confidence surprised him...not our counsellor however!.... he said to him " it's a matter of the worth she feels"... he nailed it! I can walk into a room and talk to anyone there, laugh with them and make them comfortable but I know that inside I struggle with what my worth is...and although it has improved, years of feeling unworthy will take some more healing and my relationship with this amazing Godly strong man is totally helping in the healing department.
When I look at the timing of things, how we have been brought together, all the things that happened to bring us together and I find I am in awe. I stood in church this morning beside this man and felt safe and secure, a feeling I have longed for, what I have desired and needed. We didn't need the high scores we got in our marriage counselling test to tell us what we knew pretty much right after meeting each other, we are meant for each other.
My head knew after meeting him what has taken my heart a little more time to open too ( a painful divorce does that to a heart ) that I am soon to marry a man who has quickly become my best friend who loves me and who I love so very much! I have never felt so ME as I do when I am with him and that is a feeling I am loving. He loves the very things about me that I struggled with about myself. He continues to validate me and show me with actions and words who he is and who I am to him.
I am so very blessed. Busy but blessed :) so to any divorced women out there that might happen upon this little blog that doesn't mean very much but are just ramblings from my journey, I have to say that all things work out together in the end, and if things are not alright right now, it is not yet the end! (borrowed from one of my favorite movies the best exotic marigold hotel for the elderly and beautiful a real must see!) hold on to who you are, listen to your core group of positive supporters and community, cling to your faith and the knowledge that the Creator the Universe is with you always, and believe that all things are possible, find your joy and your strengths, laugh often, feel and then heal. There is life after divorce. There is love after divorce and it just might be the love of a lifetime :)