co-parenting ... but not ... or what?!
The last 2 years has been me figuring out my crap and how to parent alone ..... finding boundaries and all that fun stuff.. if you have followed my blog aka ramblings of a crazy lady, you will know that boundaries and me ... well... we haven't always been friends. I am learning. Learning being the KEY word here! Now I have met this amazing man that is probably the MOST confident man I have ever met... like ever ... and boundaries for him are not a problem, they have been fast friends for a very long time... like probably all 41 years of his life! For him things are pretty much black and white while I think that there are probably a thousand shades of black and equal shades of white :) I tend to think the 2 of us balance each other out and while we are learning the balance, which may take forever and I am totally good with that, there are things to be learned!
What I learned this weekend.... while I have gained boundaries in my life I still have areas where I am a pushover and I have to keep learning to stand my ground... this is plain to Mr Black and White and what is I am sure very frustrating for him ( by no means am I meaning to put words into his mouth by any of this either, just to clarify! this is just me blabbing my thoughts out for all to see! just being me and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he is great with that!). It is also hard for him to observe and know that he is NOT the parent...but wanting to be a support to me and help me and be true to who he is and be there for me in a way that I will receive! anyone in a step parent relationship feel free to speak up here! I am not a step parent ... I only have my own children and I can only imagine what he is thinking or feeling stepping in to this role, which I am still sometimes in shock that he actually wants to take on! For me there are times when I feel a little beat up as a parent, I know shocking eh?! and when someone is trying to help me I just feel a little more dumped on even though I know that's not the intention....
what I also learned this weekend ..... we have amazing communication with each other..... we can communicate in a way where feelings don't get hurt, names don't get called, the other person listens and feels heard at the same time .... I learned that this man really loves me.... like really loves me ... and he really likes my children and wants what is best for them ... and that makes me feel like the most blessed woman alive!
I am sure there will be lots of other things I learn and he learns as he steps in to the roll of step-dad and I allow another adult into my circle and allow him to help me and support me, even when it is not what I want to hear or what the girls want to hear .... I know the road will be challenging...parenting always is! regardless of the mix of parents/ step parents/ foster parents/ adoptive parents ... having a man like him in our lives is a huge blessing and I know we have the skills to work it out .... together :)