the measure that is me

When it all come down to the wire what I felt the strongest was to once again, let it go. Why try to fight something for something that isn't mine any longer? like grains of sands slipping through my fingers is a future I no longer hold. I saw that making a decision one way could hinder my ability to fully keep moving forward and over all the other things I had to contemplate that was what did it for me. I want to move forward in fact I have been moving forward for a long time. I like moving forward and while there are things that I have to deal with and some aspects of this will probably never be easy... it is getting easier.
This all lead me...after praying the Lord's Prayer
to see myself lined up beside a giant measuring stick. The thought going through my head was....what measure of woman am I going to be? a woman who wants revenge? a woman who wants what I deserve? both of those are dangerous things to want as revenge just leads to more misery and what I deserve...well some people may have differing opinions on what I deserve but I know that we ALL fall short and I know that I am far from perfect, I know hard to believe but alas it's true :) ..... so what do I want my measure of worth to be?
I want my measure to be a woman who after hitting the lowest place I could imagine managed with help from God and my friends and family to pick myself up, hold my head high, and regain the knowledge of who I was created to be. I want my measure to be a woman who trusts in doing the right thing because it is the right thing and not what I can possibly gain from the situation. I want my measure to be one of mercy and grace. I want my measure to be that which my daughters can look at me and say wow that's my mom! I don't want to measure myself to what others think or what I think their standards may be cuz at the end of the day it won't stand up. I don't want my measure to be one of bitterness and endless pain. I don't want to go around worrying about what others may think...ok I may have not really struggled TOO much with that one haha..although we all do in different aspects from time to time.
What I did see in my decision was a freedom of sorts. A freedom to keep moving forward with as much dignity and integrity as I can muster, and I get that I don't always do that well but I am consciously trying. A freedom that will allow me to have a relationship with someone that can have the potential to be something amazing knowing that all the grains of sand are no longer being held in my hand or fist. I have open free hands, free to hold a new and better future.
A freedom to be me.
A freedom to be where I am by choice.
That is the measure of me.
And after all is said and done... I stand, lined up to a measuring stick that is based on truth and faith and not what others say. I am excited about my future and what God has in store for me and what new adventures I am going to have.
And that's all I have to say about that...part of letting it all go!
well ok, maybe 1 more thing to say!
BRING IT ON
Comments