Road trip to Disney day 5

I actually had to use my fingers to try to figure out what day we are on....road trip with my girls is fun has it's moments :) it was a LONG day today..... we finally made it to the Winchester Mystery House this morning...yesterday ended up just a shopping, pool and attitude correction day :) ... so this morning we went through and it was amazing....expensive but totally amazing... definitely the oddest house ever built! I bought the book on it and reading about this mysterious woman who built for 38 years AROUND THE CLOCK!!! is soooooooooo interesting!! She lost her baby girl at 6 weeks old and lost her husband to an early death of TB.... she never kept a journal and her staff never came forward after her death so the why's she did what she did went to the grave with her. It is fantastical and I highly recommend seeing it if you are in the San Jose area.

Driving in torrential downpours was not so fun... a little stressful to say the least and I find I am yet again thankful that I didn't drive my RV myself!!! the traffic and all the turn offs in LA is also something I wouldn't want to navigate for the first time in an RV! it was nail biting with my dad driving and he is a pro!!

The girls were anxious to get here and we have been trying to be willing to play things by ear as the weather ain't so great :) My parents and I were anxious to get here as well as we had to endure said girls being anxious in a small space for many hours at a time ;)

as far as my emotional state.... I think I am doing much better...there has been a lot of time to think about things and have gone over things with the girls and then doing a little snooping and well yeah.... I have to pull myself together... this is brutal hard and I find I go back and forth from nostalgic memory lane to remembering decisions that we were made to bring me to this place. Kind of like walking a teeter totter of memories and distinguishing between what is real and not real. Actually reminds me of the last book in the Hunger Games series when a certain character (don't want to spoil anything!) has been tortured and brain washed and has memories but has to ask.... real or not real... after relaying the memory to someone who would know. That is the place that I find I am in....real or not real... I held on to potential and the dream and yet the reality is... I am here ... with my girls and parents... and he is away for a weekend with his girlfriend for his birthday... that is my reality. I cannot ignore reality anymore. He has moved on pretty firmly...papers have been filed and choices have continued to be made.... letting go fully is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Not because I am afraid of being alone or not finding love again.....but because of the simple facts that I spent over half my life loving this man and never had any intentions of living it otherwise. Being with someone pretty much since you were 19 and off and on for 3 years before that.... that is a very very long time... 22 years this summer since I first laid eyes on the father of my girls. That is what I struggle with. That is what I am having a hard time about.... but do I have any other choice? real or not real?

looking forward to spending tomorrow either at Disneyland or dependent! :)


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