I wrote a few posts ago about signing up for a Parenting workshop and out of that workshop I signed up to take an 8 week parenting course called "power to parent".... it is a \Dr Gordon Nuefeld course.
I have had 2 classes so far..... and it's a lot of information and I wish I had blogged about it right away while it was fresh but alas my crazy schedule is well....crazy!
I have never done a parenting course before..... I haven't read too many books on parenting...maybe it all shows?! :) parenting how to books is a multi million dollar industry and there are so many opinions and then some on the subject....the following is just a tid bit of what stuck out to me from the 2 classes I have attended....
the importance of "collecting" your children...basically making sure each morning and each night and every time you are about to part with your kids and when you come back together with your kids...you need to collect them... eye contact a smile...just a connection to restablish what he refers to as "attachment" ...attachment is the basis of his philosophy. this is harder to do with a sensitive child... I may have 1 or 2 of those :)
parenting is not based on skill! I liked this one....if it was based on ones "skill" then all our techniques would work all the time and with every child...when there are multiple children there is at least 1 in the bunch that bucks all the rules and nothing seems to work and what does work doesn't work forever....yah I may have 1 or 2 of those as well.... while it doesn't take away the responsibility one carries BEING the parent it does take away some of the guilt that we carry all too well.
there is no fomula 1 2 3 step program that is 100% out there.... it's about BEING the parent....walking in the natural power that comes from being the parent...there is a different between walking in your natural power and contrived power...lording your power over the child to basically say " I can do anything to you cuz I am your parent" instead of just walking in the power....not sure if I am communicating that well its a new concept for me and probably my weakest aspect of being a parent...my lack of power, knowing my power and holding my power. Power is not a dirty word but our society has made it so.
that leads to me to another point... we, North Americans< have lost our culture and our traditions....we used to parent children in a community and now we are very much on our own....we do not depend on each other the way our mothers did and so on.... this makes todays parents a whole new level of challenging!
never never use time with a parent a mode of punishment to a child.....this isn't something I ever did that I can remember but he confirmed what I have always believed...time spent between a child and parent is a given and not something to make a child feel insecure about and should not be threatened to be removed or have a "separation from the attachement process" .... he believes taking things away from children that they are attached too...their favorite things... is also harmful to children... I am not entirely convinced on that point they are not our friends they are our children but then I am not so good at follow thru so it's not like I have it all figured out! :)
huggers...he talked about some children's attachment tank being on a seemingly constant empty level...kids who always want hugs and the parent sometimes feels overwhelmed or smothered... this happens to me sometimes...his suggestion is to get to them first...so by that he means if you see your hugger coming and you know you are about to get smothered...approach the child first and go over the top...like dip them when you hug, hug extra tight, dance them around...just basically fill their tank before they have to ask as he believes a child having to ask to get filled just doesn't get filled by asking...so you have to pre-empt the child and from testimonies from the other parents in the class it works... I have tried it a few times and it really does seem to work! yah for things working!!!
these are just some of the biggest things that stood out for me...stuff to chew on and watch for in my kids and ease some of the massive I.am.a.weak.and.pathetic.parent.talk that goes on inside my head from time to time!
I will blog more next week about my next class....this week I have a class and a workshop on being the alpha in the house...this we all know that knows me.. is something I totally lack!