honestly?!?!?

I had no idea that when I posted MY feelings on Sunday I would get the reaction that I did. I am still in shock. My children will read this blog and there is nothing on here that I am ashamed of and believe me when I say my children are living this all out with me as I am their primary care giver.

My post was simply my feelings... me coming to the end of myself...yet again...trying to figure my way in this crazy life. In no way was it meant as an attack on my ex. Yes my twitter said about my separation and divorce and I am sorry for that... I should have just said my life! my feelings are MY feelings and I am feeling overwhelmed from many sources not just the separation!! I am sick and tired of many things from many areas. I am entitled to say how I feel...on this forum or any forum I choose as they are my feelings and my feelings alone. I have not slandered my ex or anybody on my blog EVER! I choose to not let all the nitty gritty out here and I have chosen so this entire past 14 months! I have only written my journey and my process. Now that I officially know that I am being stalked watched recorded and printed...all in the name to "destroy me" I have had to take a step back and say wow...really? am I that scary? how am I a threat to anybody?  why do they care?

The post was not meant to be hurtful to my ex or my children...who have read the post and commented their feelings to me about it.... but the comments are. The comments got vicious and mean and full of hate..on both sides. I did not have not and will not attack my ex on this blog. My children do live this out with me to certain degrees but I am not that low, despite what I have been told today or in the comments. I am going to delete the comments as I don't want my children reading them...it's funny how the very one saying shame on me and I am sick to my stomach about "attacking" their dad and yet they had no qualms attacking me...publicly... so I will delete them.

One comment was well said....and I quote
I know both very well also and this is what I know. They got married. Why? Cuz they loved each other. Along the way they made a couple big mistakes, together. Then J got sick. Depression and anger were just a couple things that came out of that. Lise did what she could and J spiraled into despair. Their dreams were destroyed. Neither of them saw this coming. They loved their life up north. Coming down to the coast was what they thought they needed to do. J's depression increased and Lise was left to hold things together. And from there things were not dealt with properly. These two made mistakes. These two have huge regrets. This is sad cuz of the potential they possessed. They got in the way of each other. These two don't need anymore judgment. Both would tell you they are wrong"

 

this was actually written by my ex, he told me so yesterday....trying to stop the madness....then he got an attack from another anonymous comment obviously not knowing it was him that wrote it. fyi there is a way to track ip address' to find where the comments are coming from.

I have loved Jason for over half my life.... I will always love him, he is the father of my children and will always be a part of my life...we are trying to work what that looks like out now and it's hard...and it's messy at times...and it sucks because I know when we said, I do, we meant it. . Separation and divorce is a tearing apart...not a neat little cut in the paper... a total shredding... we feel it and we live it and I can only speak for myself... I am trying to heal and move forward with my life. I have said many times on my blog that I have made BIG mistakes... I choose to not blog about them cuz it's no ones business just as I don't post the mistakes/details my ex has done... I have sinned in my life... I have fallen short... I am definitely forgiven though and I walk in the freedom of knowing my mistakes are a part of what has made me who I am becoming but doesn't define me into a box. Only those that have experienced forgiveness will understand what that means. I do own my crap! I make mistakes and that is why I said in my so heated post that I am so sick of making so many mistakes!!!

This process sucks. It has been soooo painful on both sides of camp...friends chosing sides also hurts and adds salt to wounds already so deep. I get that people are going to chose "sides" I get that people who tolerated me b/c of him now no longer have to pretend to like me...and vice versa.

Bottom line is that inbetween all the mess, sides and chaos are 4 children that are caught in the middle. Some don't agree with my posting this "publicly" and see it as hurtful to my children and I disagree and that is my right as their mom and your right as a human. I certainly don't agree with everything everyone does.

I want the insanity to stop. I want the now clear divide to go away. I want peace. I want healthy boundaries and I realize I cannot control or create other peoples boundaries... so I will focus on my own.

Due to the threats of the nature that I have received and the obvious intent from some individuals to take me down as it were I have decided to go private with my blog....for now at any rate...for those of you that would like to follow please email me ..

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey ol' friend, On fb I saw the link to this blog. I haven't followed your blog, but I'd like to. I'll fb msg you. Keep your head up and know in Him, we're covered.

hope, rest, peace to ya,L.

S.K.

Shasher's Life said...

{{hugs}}

Shasher's Life said...

p.s. J wrote a beautiful comment. It was a great comment even before I knew he wrote it, more beautiful knowing he did.

I know how much you two loved each other. I'd never met another couple who gazed into each others eyes like you guys did, all mushy 'n all. The "newlywed" stage went on for a long long time, longer than it does in most marriages. And he's right, you guys possessed much greatness and potential.

<3

Anonymous said...

Don't let them win!! I love your blog! So inspirational! I've been reading and benefiting from your strength since 2007. Don't let them make you hide who you are!

Goldilocks said...

I just read your previous post and this one. I APPLAUD you for your honesty and integrity and how you wrote. If more people were honest and open, vulnerable to putting their feelings out there, the world would be a more supportive and understanding place.


I have been down the road of both serious illness and serious depression within my marriage and both are tolls that can sometimes be survived and sometimes survival means taking what's left of yourself and rebuilding a new reality. I have faced both possibilities dead in the face and, well, outcomes still to be determined.

You are a brave, strong woman; such a terrific example to your girls - I aspire to the same.


xoxo
Natalie

shannon said...

You know I love you Lise and support you 100%,, I love reading your blog. You are an inspiration,strong,caring,beautiful,loving,AMAZING woman! And thats just the start of it. Simply put,, you rock! nough said. xoxoxoxooxoxoxo

Audra Marie said...

Marriage can be so hard and painful. It's obvious you still love him, and the fact that he came to your defense and the words he wrote in that comment shows that he loves you, too.

My husband and I have had our struggles, and but by the grace of God, we are still together.

I haven't read the other post yet (I will), but I wanted to say, hang in there. Being exposed can allow for people to trample our emotions, but it can also help others who have the similar struggles. I'd love to continue reading your blog (I'm new here) if you don't mind. :)