Me and the girls are in a place... a situation where I never dreamed we would be. We are all dealing with this situation in our own unique way...as we are unique and clearly individuals...we cannot help but deal with all this so differently. I find this such a challenge...the daily and I mean 24/7 - 9 months straight kind of challenge. There are hundreds of books written on these kinds of situations and yet I find there is none that are a complete "guide" to what the 5 of us are going thru.
How we all as humans, deal with pain and hurt and just daily life is so unique. Some of us are quiet thinkers, some are huge exploders, some get aggressive, some get introspective....some get it all! There is no right or wrong in how one FEELS pain... at least I don't think so. I think and believe there is a right and wrong in how we express our pain to others....or at least to the ones that we love...we are responsible for our actions and re-actions and how we communicate ourselves to others. Knowing this and living it out are 2 different things :) I am still learning! always learning.
How I have been dealing with what has happened is unique to me. How each of my girls have been dealing with what has happened is unique to them. I know that those closest to me have been watching, praying and supporting us all in their own unique ways and I have to say that I am so thankful for my support system...it's been truly amazing. I know that it has been hard for those that love and care for us to watch the pain and hurt we have been experiencing...and watching how we each are "dealing" with that pain. It hasn't been easy. This has been a diet plan I don't recommend.
I was out for dinner last night with my life long best friend and we were talking about how others want to help and yet don't know how and she suggested I try to blog about all this... so this is my attempt! :) In my experience....the best thing that anyone who is watching and seeing how we are coping can say to me is simply " Lise...how can I help?" .... my answer might be just pray, or how about taking one of my girls out for a "coffee" not really a coffee but you get the idea!! Stating the obvious doesn't really help! I am very aware of how we are all dealing with things and this situation and that some are not doing as well as others! I live it.. I know it! it is a very big reality that this situation SUCKS! I need support...a non-judgemental support. So why am I blogging this??? well to help anyone out there who is going thru or knows someone going thru the same thing! maybe you don't know what to say...sometimes just admitting that is good enough! I feel judged, I really am my worst judge!! ... I feel like a failure and a loser and so many other things... I just need people to come stand beside me...love me...love my girls....and walk with us...there will be better times..there might be worse moments before it gets better... I SO hope not but this is something I haven't been in before so I really have NO idea what this looks like for us.
Life is not fair...who can measure what is fair and not fair? we all have struggles and there are many people who are going thru what I would consider a far far worse situation than what we are going thru. There are always things to be thankful for. There is always something to be positive about and always a reason to get up in the morning and keep going. There are those that are able to stand with you and those that can't for whatever their reasons are. Blood is thicker than water and family tightens and grows closer in hard times. When times are tough you either can hold on tighter to your faith or throw it all to the wind...the decision is yours and only you can make it for yourself. No one can make it for you. These are all things that I am learning... and when I say learning I mean learning...learning means learning! In no way do I profess to be an expert on anything or have THE answers or have figured it all out... I am just a human...walking in my shoes trying my best to do what is right for me and my girls...those that want to are welcome to walk beside me... choice is an amazing thing.
( I have been working crazy hours and am tired beyond belief...so forgive me if that post didn't make perfect sense!! just where I am at!! )