winning the battle loosing

For the first time in my adult life...well probably teenage as well! I am finally winning a life long battle.

I was never a "chubby" kid I would say but wasn't a pole by any stretch of the imagination. I was built extremely different then my 3 older sisters.. a fact I have always been aware of. I learned a long time ago that I cannot live with a scale. I do not own a scale nor do I ever plan on owning a scale. I go by how I feel and how my clothes fit. I cannot tell these days what size is comparable to when I really cared and was probably the best shape of my life and didn't know it! doah...hate that! so wish I had appreciated it when I had it! I think that translates in too SO many areas of my life I hate to admit....anyways even when I had a nice little parasite and e-coli from Kenya when I was 17 and skin and bones I still weighed more than all of my sisters! That is pretty much when I gave up the scale!

After I had my first child when I was the tender age of 19 my weight fell off quite quickly in fact I was quite thin and weighed less then I did before I got pregnant...but my jeans were a size bigger cuz my body changed.. then I had a series of miscarriages and that does a LOT to your physical body as well as your emotions. I think the hormones go a little whacko and I ended up carrying a little extra weight with every one. It doesn't help that you are an emotional wreck and what you are putting in your mouth and how little you are doing exercise wise is the last thing on your mind. There were many years where I simply didn't care what I looked like or how much I gained all I could think, do, breath was having another baby.

Then skip ahead 8 years to when I was pregnant with Faith my youngest daughter and I was on bed rest the majority of the pregnancy and gained a TON of a LOT! my Dr didn't care as it was the least of his blood sugars were great so there was no worries there. That weight has been on me for a long time...she will be 9 this May..ok freak out moment how the crap did my baby get this age??!! yikes! no matter how hard I try I still can't control time! This weight was like a whole new level of super fat glue... I tried diets, I tried exercising...ok I didn't really try exercising I did join a gym or 2, did go for a couple of weeks straight here and there...I did play soccer and love it,...I just don't really LIKE exercising! like it's not something I do and then say..oh that was wonderful I feel so great now...mostly I hate sweating and I feel like I can't breath and all day I dream about my bed and if the fact that I exercised means I can eat that brownie or not?!?! :) It's not something I get excited about to say the least!

I have pretty much maintained the same size clothing for the past 8 years... I can't really remember too much about the size of my clothing after Em, my 2nd daughter, as my 3rd daughter arrived 15 months later and then I lost another baby (the 3rd and that baby would have been 19 months apart) and then I had my 4th when my 3rd was 25 months old...needless to say I was just lucky to have clean clothes to wear let alone what size they were! To the best of my recollection I was about a size 11/12 with all these babies...there were times I would have to get a 13 and just simply wouldn't buy the 14 but would stretch out the 13 come hell or high water there was NO way I would buy a size 14.

The times I would gain would be times of stress. Given the fact that I was alive had 4 children a husband a home and off and on work... I had stress! It never seemed to matter what I did to be good about being careful of my weight when I was stressed I just gained. I wouldn't eat I would gain and then I would get frustrated and eat and gain some more. This stress that I have been thru in the last 3 months is the first time ever that I have had stress and NOT gained. In fact I was pretty sure that I was going to be huge going thru all this and that stressed me out which added to the stress that I was feeling and all the emotional crap and roller coaster I was going thru.. I thought I was doomed to buy a size 14 at least.

This however like I mentioned has not been the case....this is what has happened.

With all this stress I forced myself to do a cleanse... I try to do one every year they are gross and I don't enjoy them but I do feel they are important to do at least once a year. I lost some weight on that..didn't even do the full 7 days and I felt a difference in my body. (remember i do not have a scale so I have no idea what weight I was but considering this all started New Years Eve and it was right after the most wonderful calorie time of year!!! I was most likely at my heavy point). The weight loss was noticeable to others and it felt good so I was determined to keep it up.. I started being careful about what I I have to say I have been careful before..lost a few and then gained them back...wasn't really feeling any different about it then I had before just had a little more motivation in that I felt flattened in the self esteem department and desperately needed to feel better about myself. Then I got sick and we all know that sickness= at least a 5 pound weight loss and then about 2 weeks later we gain it back...not this time though! I am more active than normal. I watch WAY WAY less TV then ever. I am usually constantly moving as I am the only parent living full time with the girls and that is just plain busy. I also have a house to get ready to sell...that keeps me moving. Then I started walking a little...not even a lot but it seems to be working. Somewhere in all this I dropped dairy cept for my precious greek yogurt which I eat almost every day and NOT the low fat stuff I think that stuff tastes gross and I love to taste GOOD food! and I eat cheese... I mean hello my family owns a cheese shop it's what I do! but I dropped the rest... then I dropped bread...I hardly eat any bread anymore and we own a bakery now I call that mega will power :) . Then I dropped red meat..mostly! once in a while I NEED our restaurants prime is SO good..but mostly I eat fish or chicken... I eat a LOT of salads and drink way more water. After going to Mexico where I ate so much and drank like a fi....well lets just say it was an all-inclusive! :) I didn't gain but think I lost some more. Then after getting home I bought an exercise ball and 2 5lb weights... I have been exercising lightly ( I mentioned my distaste for sweat and I like pain even less!)  every morning except for the weekends for about 20 min.

I feel great. My skin has cleared up...usually with stress my skin breaks out in really bad eczema..but not this time! I think the combo of dropping dairy red meat and bread have totally helped! also drinking more water I think has helped. I just bought my first size 10 pants ( I literally didn't even look at the price tag I would have paid anything for those size 10's!!) in a long long time! It feels so great! The weight loss is more and more noticeable...the one thing with me is I gain everywhere.. I don't really have a problem area just gain it from my toes to my forehead! I also bought a medium sweater...been years for that as well!

I have had many battles in my life and recently have been in the biggest struggle of my life. I am relieved that for once I am winning the loosing weight battle :)


shannon said…
I enjoyed your story Lisa! You should be so proud of yourself,, going through such a difficult time and yet,,, having such huge victory in another "battle",, awesome! You are inspirational :-)

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