I think a friend of mine is going to start a parenting blog.....I SO hope so! there are so many times I sit here and think ... help! I can't do this on my own! ..... parenting is so hard sometimes... I know DUH right?! this teenager business is hard work, mostly for me I think it is the emotional work that I find the hardest. Those times I feel like collapsing in my chair sighing a big sigh and feel completely drained.
By nature I am an extrovert.... I know BIG shocker eh?! :) I spill the beans a lot! sometimes it gets me into trouble with my family. Even my kids have asked me why I have to tell everyone everything?, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but although I do have the gift of the gab I don't tell everyone everything. Over the years I have found telling a few key trust worthy people, more, is better! There are times like the one I currently find myself in, where I feel the need to gather as much information and wisdom to me, to help us make the right decision for our child.
There are times, as a mom, that I become really afraid of making the wrong choice, other times that I have that you know that you know kind of assurance. My gut in all this with high school and our 16 year old, was telling me NO to on-line schooling. Not so sure about what high school she should attend in Sept but as far as on-line schooling I was pretty confident in this situation, at this time, it was no. Now to convey that to an emotional teenager who is convinced "she can't do it anymore".......so I went to see a friend yesterday, a great lady who I have come to admire and respect immensely. She shared with me the fact that when she was younger she was shy and her parents never made her go somewhere after she said no.....in the end the message that she received although she knows was not intended by her parents was, you are not strong enough to handle it, they never made her get over that insecurity. As a mom herself she saw this trait in her daughter and so determined to make her go to some things even though the daughter protested shyness.....needless to say the daughter today is NOT shy! and doesn't have the insecurities the mother ended up battling. This spoke to me, explained to me the reason I was having a definite NO reaction to the on-line schooling. If we let Morgan stay home I think we would be hindering her to realize she actually CAN get over it, she CAN handle regular high school and she DOES have the strength in her and the support system to keep going. If we didn't then we would be feeding an insecurity in her that does not need feeding.
I sat beside her yesterday out by the pool and yet again told her we believe in her, that we know she CAN do this, that she is strong enough and that she does have value and talents and so much to give that she simply cannot hide out and not put herself back out there. Truth is we all have crap, we all get hurt, life sucks to different degrees at different times, poop happens, we are not all-powerful bubble wrapped creatures! I told her she has to trust us, that we are not wanting her to go back to school for bad reasons but simply because we believe in her. I felt she was listening. Later she came up to me put her head on my shoulder and told me in a whisper...... I don't know what I should do?...... I started to rub her head and down her shoulders, then I felt to tell her.... let Him wash you off.... let His oil pour over you and feel it wash you off, let go of the stress and picture yourself sitting in 2 of the biggest strongest hands you could ever see.....don't ask for anything, just sit there and let Him wash you of all the hurt and stress.....enjoy your summer, just be.....we have all summer to think about Sept and where you should go but for now let's just be. That might sound weird to some of you but it worked and peace did come. Later last night she came up to me and told me she had talked to a friend of hers in the States that does on-line schooling and she so regrets that decision......so.....she is relenting the demand that she does on-line school and that she cannot handle high school.....today she seemed much more relaxed and at peace.
While I feel a little drained :) I just had a great experience in sitting at the feet of wisdom, gathering information and advice, and trusting my instinct and the Lord in making decisions in parenting. So thanks for those of you that commented, thanks to my mom and JY for being there for me and of course so thankful J and I have been walking in unison in all this! Not saying we are all in the clear and I know there will be many more experiences and times we will go through trying times with our kids and maybe even in this situation, but I wouldn't change my openness in needing help for anything!