The troubles my oldest had at school this past Spring never fully resolved. By that I mean.....she basically lost all her close friends and the last few months have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. She is already probably my most emotional child of the 4 girls.....and at 16 she is in full swing. I can see her at school in my minds eye...self consciously shuffling down the hallways, looking but NOT looking for her now ex-friends who have gone on with life like she never existed and all is right in their world, trying to make it thru to the dreaded lunch hour where she can sneak away find a corner on the library floor and lose herself in a good book. As a mom this has been so hard, one of the hardest parenting experiences so far. Part of me wants to keep her at home let herself shut out the world and all those that could hurt her and part of me is so afraid of her doing exactly that.
We had to make her go to school some of those days with big tears in her eyes and the sag in your shoulders you never want to see in your child. It was so hard. We didn't want her to fail any of her classes and this year she has Provincials, way too crucial to skip. She finished the year, tried to make some new friends, endured to what is the worst experience a teenage girl can go thru with friendships and now it's summer. We have told her she can pick a new high school..... our not so little town now has 3 high schools.....we have told her she can stay there if she wants but in my heart I think that would be pure torture. She told us yesterday she wants to do school on line for a semester and if she doesn't like it then she will switch to a new high school. She is starting grade 11....holy cow can hardly even believe that!... she only has 2 years left and with a dream of going to college I am nervous all this will interfere with those plans....and no they are definitely her plans to!
As her mom I want to wrap her up in bubble wrap and yet again am afraid of that. The fact is girls are mean and cruel and no matter what school she goes to, no matter what college she goes to, or what job she works at.....she will most likely meet a "mean" girl. I have had several of the same experiences she had in high school from a child to adulthood. Not everyone gets along! Some people are nasty......sometimes we are nasty......it's life. So how to teach her that without it crushing her? that is the trick I am not sure of. This is where I am afraid of making the wrong decision.
So do I force her to go to the new high school? make her start all over again and face being the new kid...again! she just did this 2 years ago after moving back down from the North where she was the new kid 2 years before that.....she has been the new kid a couple of times now...not something she enjoys. Do I let her do on-line schooling? she can do her work in the safety of our home and behind a computer where she already spends 80% of her time? She is healing slowly from this and that is so hard to see. She definitely has decided to not return to the old high school she realizes the pain of seeing them everyday is just too hard.
(just a background on what happened....basically her little group of 5 girls met a boy, 1 handsome boy, all 5 girls liked 1 boy, boy liked 1 girl but flirted with other 4 girls, my girl started to see the chaos in it and started pulling back, the other 4 girls turned viciously on my girl.....obviously there is more to it then what I wrote here and I am sure a lot more than I even know...all I know is my daughter had a great little group of very close friends and now she has none)
So I am asking the big wide world out there...or the few that read my blog!..... what would you advise? have you had a similar experience? do you have a teenager that went thru a similar experience and if so what did you do? have to be honest not really looking to hear from anyone that hasn't either gone thru this yourself or doesn't have a child who has gone thru it!!! just sayin! :)