being organic

Lately as I have been imposing some pretty big changes at work I keep wondering at the statement I held on to when the store was first opening.....organic....and being organic...and letting things happen in a naturally progressive way. It is almost our 1 year anniversary and when I think of what we thought things would look like and where they actually are....it's diverse! So many bumps and bruises have occurred. Many frustrating moments and difficult conversations have taken place. From co-managing to being the one and only manager to shifting directions, making some tough cuts, to discovering our vision and then trying to implement that....it's been 1 learning curve year. Kind of like life! You begin as a child with a dream of what life and your life will look like then you go through that oh my gosh my parents are crazy I am the king of the world stage to the wonder and awe and heartbreak of falling in love and then falling out of love and then falling in love again, to reality hitting you pretty hard knocking you down a few notches to the awe and magic of becoming a mommy and all that brings with it back to the dreaming stage and now you are dreaming not only your life but your children's life. I am pretty sure for 99.99% of people what we dreamt and thought and believed have all changed, evolved and organically became something completely different.

It's all a life lesson, everything we do, all the decisions we make or do not make. They all lead us to where we stand today. So then I ask myself if where I stand today is where I want to be standing?...... work wise...yes I can see the shape the organic life form that the store is becoming, I see some challenges but I see much growth, mostly in me, and see some pretty clear indications of where we should be headed.....

personally, the answer is a yes and a no.... with so many factors of life and learning this new stage of life where I have one daughter who is in the oh my gosh my parents are crazy and know nothing stage, to another daughter who is starting to test the boundaries of the cheeky stage and wanting to be 16 when she is still only 11, to yet another daughter who's struggles keep me up at night, to the baby girl who is coming into her own and learning what is appropriate and not....(she just got a detention at school for calling a little boy a "toilet plunger" I thought it was funny and still laugh about it but the teacher was not so happy as she has been working with her to think before she talks!!). So yeah all that is fun...well actually most of the time it is, I have to say that our pool is my family's new best friend! I am in it all the time WITH the girls and we talk and talk and talk and talk... they love having my attention and I have to admit if there is a computer or my cell close by I am almost always distracted.

spiritually, the answer is most definitely a no.... I am not standing where I want to be or where I know in my heart I should be. I hate feeling disconnected with church as that is where I have spent the majority of my life and I am not sure how to be separated from it let alone want to be separated from it. Right now soccer and fatigue have taken over our usual Sunday schedule. This is something I am not content to leave just the way it is, it is something that I know we are going to have to change. I have raised my girls all to be strong and have an opinion and I have also probably passed on some of my discontented/restless self on to them regarding church. They do not all agree on where we should go...when we go.... ages 16,11,10 & 8 have pretty much different needs right now...so we are concentrating on the 16 year old needs as her world pretty much turned upside down a little while back and she is just able to find her new footing. I am thinking this is more of an area where I have to be more pro-active and not take such a laid back attitude towards.

I guess the key or at least a key in life is to figure out when to let things evolve on their own and when to step in and change the ingredients?!

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