momma bear x 2

Yesterday, which already feels like last week, my oldest daughter was blindsided by her friends. Getting a phone call from her at school with her sobbing was heart wrenching. I half wanted to run to the school, smack whoever hurt my baby, cry for her, and a whole range of emotions a momma bear experiences.

I am not sure if it makes it harder or easier that I saw this coming!

4 really close girls meet 1 good looking boy with NO supervision NO one to answer to (that is a long story that is not mine to share!) and thinks quite highly of himself , and he is in grade 12, the girls are in grade 10.
so you can imagine that is not a great combination.

all of a sudden I saw
- the girls ONLY talked about this boy
- in a quick time period all girls talked nonstop about said boy and made references like "so glad we have found a life long friend"
- he was welcomed whole heartily into all the girls activities
- the girls were all infatuated

I saw trouble brewing for this group

I didn't want it to be so... I talked to my baby about being careful about what I could see potentially happen what I dreaded could happen..... and to make a long story short, it happened.

3 turned against 1 and guess who delivered the message? the boy...completely caught up in the middle of it all.

Now my baby is crushed. She feels betrayed by her friends and not even sure how or why this has happened. It doesn't even really make sense. My heart is hurting for her. I remember all to well the power your peers have on you! I remember grade 7 when I was blindsided and ganged up on by a group of girls and one of their mothers. I remember in grade 12 when I thought what was a private letter to a friend became public and I was laughed at by an entire group of girls. Devastation. Insecurities. Bewilderment. All the things you would never wish for your daughters, and yet a part of you knows it is most likely inevitable. Girls can be cruel. Girls with raging hormones and making their place in a pecking order with a handful of newly introduced testosterone in the mix and you have someone in that mix that is going to get hurt. I just so wish it wasn't my daughter.

I did go to the school, I did see the boy by fluke walking by the office. I did want to confront boy then I realized I was too angry and shouldn't which I emphatically told the receptionist. I did talk to the councillor and vice principal, they did make me feel that my baby is important to them and vowed to help. They made me promise to make her go to school today..that was hard..I wanted to let her stay home as much as she wanted to stay home. This is a life lesson that is so hard to have to learn.

This momma bear also wrote a couple of emails to boy and one of the girls.....now I think I need to keep being there for M and let her do the rest. I hope she knows I am here for her and that we are all loving on her big time. This momma bear now needs to let her work it out with her friends even though I want to be angry for her and find her new friends and maybe even a new school. This momma bear is exhausted.

2 comments:

Cheri said...

I'm not looking forward to that age...and how mean girls can be.

This Mom said...

Oh, it's terrible, isn't it? I can remember many of my own childhood hurts, but the funny thing is that my mom remembers even better. I still see several girls I knew in elementary and high school, and I swear that my mother holds grudges against them about incidents long forgotten by me! It's the Momma Bear thing!