just like that

For the past 3 years my husband has never gained more strength than 70% of his former self.

For 3 years he has felt numbness to one degree or another in his feet up to his calves and his hands up to his elbows.

For the past year he has had numbness in his face.

For the past couple of months his respiratory has started to be affected and we had begun to mentally prepare ourselves for the worse.

For the past 3 years we pretty much have been living in a world where we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop and where it did many many times.

For the past 3 years we have been hoping and praying for a miracle.

For the past 3 years we have been afraid to hope for a miracle that might just not happen.

then just like that

today for the first time in over 3 years J has NO numbness at all in his feet!

For the first time in 3 years the hope that I have been barely clinging on to feels a little bit bigger.

For the first time in 3 years I can envision a life without this disease.

For the first time in 3 years I can hear hope in my husbands voice.

just like that!

it makes me wonder how fragile our hope is, how thin the threads become that we hold on to. Today I heard a friend (who is a very close friend of my sisters) had to take her daughter, appropriately named Faith, to the hospital after her having seizure after seizure. Faith's story is a miracle and although there are still challenges along they way she is still such a miracle. A real story of Faith! When I was thinking about her today and praying for her I saw a tangle of threads and rope and they were all different colors and textures and I saw even teeny tiny threads hanging there and frayed ones. I realized at times during this journey there are times...maybe even years....where we hang on to hope and faith by the teeniest tiniest thread. When it is impossible to grab on to any more than that tiny thread. The hard part is looking beyond that single smallest thread to all the other forms of rope around you and to look at the big picture of it all...not just how small your thread of hope is. The big picture is Faith is a miracle. The big picture is God does not stop what He has started. The big picture is holding on to that small thread in the midst of the worse circumstances is STILL holding on! and that is amazing! it's not the size of the rope that matters....it's the not letting go that counts.

just like that .... just that simple

4 comments:

rena said...

I like that....STILL holding on. I'm reminded that Paul wrote that God never gives us more than we can handle. That in this life we will have troubles, "but be of good cheer"...yeah, easier said than done!! but the key is, just when we think we can't keep holding on and hoping on, we get grace to do so, because He knows there is so much in store, and He promises "you will not be disappointed". May your hope grow from strength to strength just as your love and faith do.

Shash said...

That was beautifully written La La. I'm going to share it with Ruth, I'm sure it'll speak to her as much as it spoke to you.

Anonymous said...

I loved what you said, that is the most incredible way to see what hope is. Even when you don't think you're hanging on anymore... take another look, you may be surprised that you are.

God is faithful!

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