getting over myself

I took the girls, well 3 of them, my 9 year old is travelling in the States with my parents and a cousin on their way to Disneyland!, and I took my friends 2 girls to the water slides yesterday.

I was sitting there watching the girls, watching ALL the people ( I love people watching) and I couldn't help but remember how much I used to LOVE the water slides. I am not sure I LOVE the water slides I getting old? For the last several years I haven't gone down the water slides as much as stand at the bottom of the kids section to catch my girls. I used to love going down the highest most scariest rides as many times as I could.

I am not sure when I developed the self consciousness of wearing a bathing suit in public and for the most part I have thought that I was "over" my insecurities about my body. Pretty much discovered yesterday that I am not! I felt so self-conscious. I found myself watching others and thinking ok, well if THEY are wearing a bathing suit and have no problems why do I? real nice of me eh?! so then I thought well maybe my problem is that I am judging what others look like so I assume I am being judged? why I am judging other people? am I judging or just trying to make myself feel better.......ahhhhh..... the dialogue in my head was making me crazy.

So I read my book, Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult, and fought off the girls as they begged me to come down the tube ride with them. Then I finished my book. I was way too hot and I could tell re-burnt my still healing back (from the cabin last weekend).

Then to my horror the PERFECT body came and planted their stuff beside ours. I mean we are talking Demi Moore meets Eva Longoria.....tanned, bouncy silky chocolate brown hair. oh so perfect breasts that I thought had to be fake to be that perfect, I know sick that I noticed but she was so beautiful it was hard not to stare! the only thing is she had a huge tattoo going down her almost from her belly button to mid back and about a foot took up almost half of her torso... so for me that wasn't "attractive" but it did give more of that bad girl image to her. She was totally beautiful, tossing her head and her hair bouncing like in a commercial.....and I thought wow so if I was self conscious before I feel even more so now! but then I realized what a stick in the mud I was being. Here we are at the water slides, perfect weather with 5 of my most favorite girls in the world and I was just sitting there afraid to move. So I got up.....and went down the water slides.....felt really awkward at first, hated walking across the place to stand in line....but by the first slide something took over and I no longer cared what I looked like in a bathing suit or what anyone thought about what I looked like in a bathing suit.... and I made some memories with my girls instead!


MugwumpMom said…
Good for you!! You are beautiful, and your body is only a part of that. It has all the battle wounds of having borne and raised children, and lived a life to date that is well lived, and is a testament to character and strength...and THAT is what counts!
Reg said…
Good for you. Fun is the best therapy in those situations.... Is this girl you saw a regular, and which water slides are we talking about? Oh, and was she alone?
Shash said…
did you ask her if she was ever pregnant 10 times and had 4 daughters and got so sick in Africa that she almost died there and who's hubby hasn't been well and has been working against her will and moving all over the province and was she over 30ish...?!!!

If not, don't worry.... she won't look that way for long!!

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