letters to my girls

Right now, I sit in a house that I don't like, in a mess I can't seem to get a handle on, with emotions that want to run away from me. This is a hard place to be. There is a state farm commercial on tv right now that has the statement, this is where I am. That statement runs through my head a lot lately. This is where I am.

There will be times in your lives where you don't like where you are! When you don't like your circumstances and you have all sorts of reasons and excuses of the whys what's ifs and whens. There will be times when you find that you feel like you might "drop your basket". These are all real feelings, real emotions. Sometimes I get frustrated with people that only have to say, well that's ok but just don't stay there! um DUH.... who wants to stay there? who wants to be in a place where they feel like a fish out of water? you will move past it, and as you allow yourselves to process everything you will find that you are a step ahead of where you were before.

I think the statement "I am here" or " This is where I am" is a constant changing place.

Learning to take things day by day is so key. It is something that I struggle with though. The big picture can get SO BIG! but there is something we have access too that is an amazing life preserver, it's called Grace! Grace is the rope, the extension of mercy, the life-line that we have access to whenever and wherever our current state of being is. Grab on to it girls. Hold on to it tightly cuz recognizing that there is Grace gives you Hope!

There are consequences to not paying attention sometimes, to not taking care of things that need to be done while you are in the place of this is where I am. I am facing some big obstacles in my paper work/business taxes, BIG ones....ones that might cost us a few thousand dollars even, in the long run it will be worth it but oh man what a job. All because over the last 2 years I have stuck my head in the sand with some responsibilities I have and am learning an important lesson of being in the place where I am and still functioning! I am learning the difference between stagnant and coping. I am learning how to be positive but not just surface level but a choice to be positive in all that I do.

Depending on where you are in life you may or may not understand this. You may look back at this time April 2009 and remember a good childhood.... I certainly hope so! ..... you may look back and wonder why mommy seemed distant sometimes and irritable! you may wonder how I did it all...super mom that I am HA!....you may wonder and think so many different things, and I am sure they will even vary from sister to sister. But I want you to look back and know how much I loved you, how much I wanted more for you, how much I worried about how our "life" is affecting you, how much I hope that you will know how to be where you are, wherever that might be.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Lisa, Amazing! I hear you. I had a big family too and from where I stand.....I can see life from the looking back way... You are a good momma... and yep ain't nobody going to "pull the weeds" in our "yards" but us...it is God's grace that He is with us though, loving us and holding us until we are ready to continue....I know the feelings that seems like your a fish out of water flopping around and wishing you could get back in the water and yet... you don't seem to even have energy for that..... Don't kick yourself too much... it doesn't help! You are right when you talk about Grace and Mercy...They really are your life line... Jesus loves you so much and gently carries you... He is with you in this and He will see you through... in the World we will have troubles but Jesus said.. be of good cheer for I have overcome the world... and so He can walk with us through it because He has been there before and He overcame it... I once heard that if we sit and watch it we will never see the grass grow.. but by the billion dollar industry that has to do with yard maintenance and all the things they sell people to keep their grass looking nice... we know it grows... I think our 'walk' is something like that.... it is happening and we couldn't have anyone better to do it with... sending you lots of love and hugs..one day you will see it from where I am:) ...I love you, Aunty Karen

Patti said...

Love ya tons. It's not always easy or fun...but then some times it is. I hope your fun and easy times stand out more and more in your (and their) memories as time goes on.