I don't know why it has taken me so long to post about the Biggest Loser Challenge I was in?! (side note I really feel like a loser when I realized that I spelled loser LOOSER the last couple of times and even got a LOT of traffic to my blog cuz of my fantabulous spelling abilities!!! what a loser :)
anyways it ran from Jan 1 - Mar 31.
so yeah for me, however the ending was a bit anti-climatic so it kind of lost the flurry of excitement I was hoping for.
It was a small group. 5 to be exact. 1 dropped out....that being J as when we learned he was relapsing the depression set in and he finally realized that he comfort eats. So then we were down to 4. I was doing really well. At my lowest...or highest point... I had lost a total of 18. My goal was 30 but I was really happy with the thought that I was going to do at least 20. I was on a roll, I was feeling fabulous EVERYONE was noticing the weight loss and it felt great! I was fitting in to some clothes I got for Christmas that were too small and I didn't return in the glimpse of a hope that I would fit into them before they went out of style.....not that that really matters to me or that I actually own anything really stylish but you get the point!
Then for me..... when they thought J had cancer I sort of gained 8 of those pounds back in a matter of a few days, I don't remember eating too much but I don't really remember anything really about that time, even now at work I am coming across mistakes I made during that time and don't remember a thing about them and for a girl who borders on a photographic memory that is kind of more than disturbing.
So I thought I would lose the challenge but it turns out that in the end I was the biggest loser and that is great.
then I totally celebrated and ate what I wanted cuz HEY I DESERVE IT right? anyone anyone???!!! mmmmm what I thought..... all that work and I pretty much ate it back on my hips, thighs, FACE, tummy, back, and my rear! yup...it's almost all back...not sure what the total damage is as I haven't weighed myself as I think I might actually make myself sick!
I tried a cleanse that J bought me but it didn't have an eating plan with it and so I thought well I guess this means I can eat the yummy chicken burgers at my parents restaurant cuz the cleanse pills will make it pass right thru me....somehow it didn't work that way and then I stopped the pills and then ate cuz I was upset at myself for eating so much and well now I am trying again.
phew it's exhausting all this weight business...wish that would be a form of exercise that would result in weight loss but at lass it doesn't and stress for me = rapid weight gain.
the worse part of all in all this is my mouth and what I say about myself and what my little precious human beings that have been placed in my care hear me say. So now I have an almost 7 year old that cries "why do you call this baby fat, my other friends don't have baby fat, why am I so fat?", and it breaks my heart and makes me repentive for the example I have set for my girls. In a day and age where thin is in, and 3 out of my 4 girls are not created "thin" not to the worlds standards anyways, I need to be more guarded about what comes out of my mouth. More positive about being "healthy" and not just "OH MY GOSH I AM A FREAKING WHALE", buy and serve the right foods that promote health and not the processed crap that we all LOVE so much.
I may not be as big of a loser as I wanted but I pray and hope that I am NOT a loser when it comes to my kids self esteem!