My baby turns 15 on Friday. While it doesn't seem like yesterday when I had her! it certainly does not feel like 15 years!
When I was pregnant with her I was so full of fear, so full of doubts about my entire life, my enforced new future, it was pretty consuming. I didn't really even show, pregnancy wise till pretty much the 8th month. I could actually do up my jacket till 8 months. Now that I look back on it, I was pretty much starving myself, I didn't want to gain weight, I didn't want my body to change. I was pretty much messed up. I was scared out of my mind. Even know looking back at the feelings that I had, it stills feels uneasy, like walking into an attic full of cob webs.
(for those that may be new to my blog I was pregnant with her at the tender age of 19, and the how/where/what/whens of that story is a long one and not one that I have really gone into here on my blog, specially knowing that she knows I have a blog and I haven't talked to her about the circumstances yet so I don't want her to find out any other way but by me, when I think we are both ready)
Morgan was an amazing little girl. She had colic for about 6 weeks, 6 LONG WEEKS OF HELL! man that was brutal. She would start crying around 5 pm and would continue till 3 am! STRAIGHT! my mom and dad and I would take turns walking the halls with her, all she wanted to do was nurse and wouldn't take a soother but would suck on our bottom lips! If I gave her Oval or Gripe Water she would just immediately throw up! So I would nurse her and nurse her and then she would be so full so she would throw up and then she would be hungry again and so I would have to nurse her again! MAN those were tough weeks. Finally at 6 weeks old she took the soother, and believe me I tried EVERY type shape and size! and once she took it she stopped crying all the time! GLORY HALLELUJAH! we could finally get some sleep!
I would bring her to work with me and she would sit on the floor playing, she was really well behaved and besides a few tantrums when she was 3 I have to say that she was a pretty even keeled child.
I used to sing her to sleep every night, don't tell the other girls cuz for me she was really the only one that I did that with. I loved those cuddle times.
She walked down the aisle in a white dress at our wedding as it was not just me J was marrying! She was part of the ceremony and a real tender moment.
J and I would take her camping all the time, again something we didn't do hardly at all with the others! 1 child really is so much easier to do those type of things with. We would pack her into the truck late at night cuz we mostly left Friday after J got home from work, and she would wake up in the tent Sat morning. She played so well by herself. She loved exploring in the campsite and made friends with other kids so easily.
Now is she is 15, she is taller than me, she is beautiful and I think with all that we have been through as a family and with her daddies health she has hurt the most. I hope and pray that as she goes through this difficult age and added to that our families struggles that she finds in herself what we see, a beautiful talented tender hearted lady with the gift of creative writing and mercy for others and so much more.