will somebody PLEASE make it stop?

they say that things come in 3's.... it feels like right now things are coming in 300's!

when it rains it pours

yah...welcome to lala's world! where we are all going a little lala!

k now I am just getting weird

Emily said the other day I wish we could go to Disneyland right now...and NEVER come back! what an insightful 10 year old, I am THERE baby!

really really NOT doing well at taking things one by one right now.....can you tell?

so this is my therapy, this is where I can pour it all out so that one day I can hopefully look back and say, wow it wasn't that bad, or look how far we have come..... you know all those really annoying sayings! :)

I am not in a good mood! can you tell?

my visa went missing..... I thought it was somewhere here in the house, these days I seem to misplace things a lot and am quite scatterbrained, I know gasp shocking! anyways I went on-line last night just to check that no one has been using it which to me would confirm that it is here in my house, in a jacket pocket somewhere.....nope....someone has been using it. a ton of withdrawls have been made from my visa. cash withdrawls. adding up to around $300ish. I was like oh man....called visa, cancelled my card, reported fraud and then sat back and talked to J. You see the weird thing, the small voice at the back of my head saying there is more going on here, was saying how odd that someone figured out my PIN...they were withdrawing $$ from ATM's, so they had to know my PIN....but how?! more nagging going on...now J is bothered..... so we ask the teenager in the house......have you seen my visa?.... nope...... really? are you sure?..... yup....cuz it's just odd that someone knows my PIN and is taking small amounts every couple of days...... nope I don't have it.......hmmmmmm well just so you know the police will be doing an investigation and you know they have camera's in the ATM's so they will catch whoever it was........pause........ok well as long as we don't find out from the police our daughter was committing fraud.......pause, you could almost feel the panic in the air..mostly from me!.... then a well let me just check my wallet.....oh no sinking heart stomach in my throat......well I have moms bank card....hmmm wondered where it went thought I lost it already replaced it......no it's not in my wallet, let me check downstairs, what does it look like?.... green says VISA on it.....I feel sick to my stomach......she comes up a minute later.... is this it?......heart actually breaks here.... yup that's it.

I have had cash going missing from my wallet for awhile now too...hard to prove.... no one fessus up.....now I know who!

much crying, much dissappointment, so much sense of a loss creeping all over me. grief. she cries, I don't deserve to go to Disneyland, just leave me at home with nana and papa. no it's a family holiday, a once in a lifetime holiday you are going, no really I don't deserve it just leave me at home, just drop that cuz you are going and it's not about the holiday.

so she is grounded, no computer (no Facebook), no friends, no nothing until the $ is paid back and trust is starting to be regained. what else do you do? (seriously asking, anyone know???!!!)

what did she spend all that money on in 3 weeks you ask? candy..and food at school.... that is a LOT of candy and food!

I didn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned and had anxiety, disbelief and heartache. It really is true what they say about your children being able to cause you the most pain.

So now we are wondering what more we should do? Christian school? is that the answer? is this "teenager" behaviour? I certainly never stole from anyone let alone my parents!! and what gets me is she knew I was looking for it, knew I needed it so I can finalize our trip, I even mentioned in front of her to my parents last night that I knew someone had been using it and reported it....so bizarre to me.

I am really struggling on how to feel about this one. It is starting to feel a little ridiculous all the things that are happening blow after blow to us. Like ENOUGH already!

I stayed home again today, I don't think I could be very nice to anyone! just being real. This sucks. I know we have to try to turn it around, just not sure how right now.


edited to add: we talked to her about why she did this, she was buying food for her friends at school, trying to fit in, trying to be liked, feeling self-conscious in a very BIG school. not that it is an excuse but definitely gives us an understanding to the why!

8 comments:

Shash said...

That is a lot of food and candy for herself but I'd give anything to bet that she's been buying things for friends. I remember that age very well and even though I didn't steal money from anyone... I worked and I spent all my money on my friends. I had a deep desire to be accepted, liked and appreciated. This was an easy way, everyone likes gifts. Could this be an underlying issue? There's always a root cause for a behaviour (that's the final stage), I think it's important to find out what that is... while still grounded and still paying back what she owes you plus interest.

Dawn said...

My goodness. I just read the last three posts - no wonder you are crying and overwhelmed. I am so sorry.

As for this last one, that is a lot of money to spend on food. From experience, when money starts disappearing, it was indicative of something much more serious. I hope it is not the case with your daughter (how old is she?), but you need to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse. Sorry to be so negative sounding, but I just know how awful it is when your kids start behaving irrationally. Keep me posted!

Jensboys said...

UGH - I agree with the previous poster, that's ALOT of candy and obviously if it was for food, she was buying for lots of people. I think she needs to understand the seriousness of this. She has betrayed the people who trust her THE MOST. Its a HUGE deal - make sure your sympathy for her doesnt undo the consequences as this drags on. NO souvenirs in Disneyland, and none of the "extras". Maybe she can pack her own lunch in for the days you intend to buy?

Suddenly you can no longer afford to pay for ski trips, or youth events etc until her debt (plus intrest, usually charged at 50% with most parents I know that deal with this).

I also would hit it hard with counselling if you can. There is an underlying issue if a normally honest kid begins to rob from their parents - and not once, but an ongoing issue. Its sad, and she needs help so she doesn't turn to this behavior again in times of stress later in life.

Hugs and prayers, AGAIN.

Jen

Lala's world said...

Dawn she is 14, will be 15 in March, I know why you are concerned but I don't think it is that, thanks for the support!

Theresa said...

Have you and her spent any time alone together, just you and her? Like to a local hotel overnight, or just dinner at a restaurant? Sometimes that's all a teenager needs to get back on the right track. You are in my prayers. I have such a huge heart for teenagers.

Shash said...

I'm such a smart Auntie!! I know what she's feeling, I think her and I are a lot alike. It doesn't excuse it but looking at the root cause is more important than the discipline. People pleasing is something I still fight with today...

Anonymous said...

Morgan should have a way of making her own money by now. She should be paid for the babysitting you ask her to do. If you are having a hard time keeping the house clean - pay Morgan to do chores. Yes, you would be out a few bucks but Morgan would have the opportunity to work for money and you would have a cleaner house. Win- win. Then instruct her to tithe 10%, save 10% and then 80% is hers to spend however she likes. This is a positive way for Morgan to learn to work for money, have her own money and for you to have a neater house. Even the younger kids can work (dusting, recycling, collecting laundry, etc.) for small amounts of money.

Anonymous said...

Where there is a whip there is a way. Reg