it's amazing at how in the midst of the storm and you feel like hiding...actually do for a few days.... feel like you are having the biggest pity party of ALL times...and KNOW that God is speaking to you...try really hard to just be mad and ignore the whispers and remembering the things that have been spoken to bring you life.
I think there comes a choice of what path you are going to go down. This is the pinnacle of "who" gets the glory in your life. This is the testimony being built. It can destroy you, or you can deal with it and then grab on to the life.
Wonder where this is going? well.... I choose life. I choose to REMEMBER the good that has happened in my life. REMEMBER the 2 very specific words I received last month from 2 very different people who had NO idea of what was coming. The word was (cuz both were the same) the Lord wants you to not look at the big picture right now, don't get overwhelmed with everything going on, just ask Him every day.....what am I supposed to do today Lord? what do I do with today? so..... now that a few bombs have gone off, I am remembering.....well actually I am purposing to remember those words, why would He tell me not to look at the Big picture? maybe cuz it IS too overwhelming for me to handle...let alone anyone!
Then I REMEMBER that in Church in December the Lord directed one of the Pastors to pray over J, specifically for the illness in his body. They surrounded him and prayed for him and one of the elders spoke to J with total authority of the Holy Spirit, and said I come against the voice/thoughts that would tell you you will not be around to raise your family......it bowled J over. He had been having these thoughts for the previous 2 weeks and hadn't even spoken what he had been dealing with in his head out loud. BUT HE KNEW! HE KNOWS OUR EVERY THOUGHT!
So that is our truth, that is our promise. That J will raise his kids and take care of his family, that is a God given promise and I know that I know His word is truth.
Then again yesterday with being upset with my daughter and feeling lost at it all, one of my old teachers from many a moon ago, told me to google NOOMA...never even heard of it before. He told me to look at the trailer for Lump, and I did and it is amazing and I am going to order it for my girls, and us! and so I browsed through the other trailers and came across one called "rain". Well if I ever heard a more perfectly timed message for me it was this. I bawled, I could feel my Father speaking to me, wrapping His arms around me. I literally felt my spirit raise up, be regenerated. It was exactly what I needed at the exactly the right time.
So while I know there are things to deal with, and I SO believe that we have to deal with our emotions...we have to feel to heal! we have to know it's ok whatever it is we are feeling! there is no longer condemnation people! we don't have to always have it together, it's ok to feel overwhelmed and cry and scream and be angry! but it is also important to remember!!! remember He never leaves us or forsakes us, that He cradles us in His arms even when we are standing in the middle of the storm and all we can see is rain and lightening and blackness, when all we feel is wet confused and scared, when all we hear is the wind howling and the thunder crackling and the storm beating down on us........He is there!