This is my first time at being a landlord, I don't think I am very good at it. Little things really stress me out. I get all worked up about it and spend the day worrying and stressing over what to do or what to say or what might or might not happen. I don't like it. I don't like the stress butterflies that feel more like monster trucks.
It is hard for me not to refer to my "neighbors" up there as my neighbors anymore, they, the renters, have asked me to stop and refer to them as friends. I am like AHHHHHHHHH but we still own the property, we still pay the property taxes, insurance and yadda yadda yadda.
J asked me what am I trying to accomplish? where do I want to go with all this...the emails that fly back and forth the fear and worry that they will bounce their rent cheque, and when today there was insufficient funds to clear their chq, an apologized oversight on their end and they said the funds are there now, I FREAK. Like barely contain the jittering bumbling nerves that are going off all through my body.
WHAT IS WITH THAT?
where is the peace?
where is the just relax everything will be fine?
maybe it is still lingering effects of being threatened to small claims court in the Spring for a PAC issue ( I really think that one did a major number on me. think I need some prayer ministry for that one yet)
maybe it is the fact that we ourselves are renting and although the ocean view is beautiful and I really like the living room...I don't feel the same way about the rest of the house. It has been neglected by renters for a very long time and there is a smell like an animal rotting in the walls that literally makes us all gag. It is a really old house with old house issues and it doesn't feel like home. In fact I don't even have the remotest inkling to make it so. The kids don't want to invite friends over cuz they are embarrassed by it...hmmmm think I am rubbing off on them or they can see why for themselves since they are older now?
So then the question is where do we go from here? how do I learn to live without the fear that the renters are going to cheat us? where is my peace that my Heavenly Father is working everything out for good? where is my knowing that He has a plan for me and my family, plans for good and not for evil? how do I be a good landlord and not a push over at the same time? maybe I should just let J take care of all this, I just know that when I tell him ok you have to deal with this cuz I can't handle it I end up trying to handle it....yah good old control there eh?! I need to breath a little. I think I need some more prayer ministry soon! too many unresolved issues over the last few years trying to take over and I don't want that. I want to be a good landlord, to be happy where I am, to be thankful for my family just being together, to not try to be figuring everything out all the time and just take it day by day. I want to be at peace, I want to be happy. I know that I need to pull this together because generally as I feel my girls feel and when they are acting out on how I am feeling then that is a house of chaos and turmoil. I don't want that either.
k I feel better now, not sure I resolved anything but it was sure good to get that all out.