ok so I said I had nothing to say or knew how to say what I am thinking and I guess that was either a lie or a temporary situation.
so here I am
up and I should be going to bed
but my brain is racing
what am I thinking about? who cares??!!! haha
ok maybe I am really tired but it's my blog so nananana boo boo I can write what I like even if it ramblings
what do I want? where do I want to be? these questions keep rolling around in my head. then pops in where do I think I should be? hmmmm all good questions.
I want to be forward. I want to be moving on. I want to answer people when they ask if I am happy to be back here that YES THIS IS GREAT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. I want to not want things to be all about me... I know big shocker eh?!
I want growth.
I want to be used by God and not feel like I have to sit in the back of church anymore. I used to have dreams of me preaching to crowds of people, mostly with the back setting of Africa, I want to be there. I want my family to have purpose. I want my husband to be whole.
see I say I don't want it to be all about me but it usually is :)
I am reading the book Three Cups of Tea right now for my book club. It is about an American who was raised by his missionary parents in Africa got lost when climbing K2 in Pakistan and found a village that changed his life forever. He went back to build a school and in the end I believe he built 53 schools. I am only 1/2 way through and I find myself feeling almost frustrated cuz I want to be doing something amazing like that too...weird eh?! anyways it is inspiring to say the least.
I want forward motion rushing through my family's lives. Does that make sense?
I felt that we were to take a break from being involved in church for 1 year when we moved down here in August. I still don't feel like we are supposed to be Mr and Mrs Volunteer. BUT I feel...... bored.....restless...... and like I really really am ready to SEE something move, something change, something grow.
sidetracked right now by that horrible smell in my house.....sorry it really is nauseating, I passed on some info from J's cousin, thanks L, to the property manager and am going to have to bug her more about it tomorrow....it is giving me constant headaches.
and it makes me angry
how does a bad foul funky something has to be dead in the walls smell make someone angry? I don't know but it is annoying to have to sit with your sweater over your nose in your house! plug it when you walk down the hallway and not want your kids to have friends over due to the embarrassment and severity of the said smell!
I need the smell to move on! to go away and soon!
k feeling my rant coming to a close.
I hope that next weekend J and I can get away, his job as project manager for my parents strip mall/restaurant is coming to a close, he needs a break his body needs a rest. Then as his job winds down mine gears up as I take over the books for the restaurant and take on HR as well. Then in Dec/Jan the other 2 new shops open that I will be taking care of as well. My official title is "controller" kind of self fulfilling for me isn't it? wait don't answer that!
I am done now.