my oldest was a little sad when I was driving her to school this morning, when I asked her why she said she didn't know. Then she finally said she doesn't feel like herself, doesn't feel like she really fits in and that she doesn't know where she belongs.
It made me so sad, I so remember feeling that way at 14/15. I had to struggle to keep my emotions in as I went to work.
Then when I picked her up from school I asked her how she was and she burst in to tears and said she figured out what was wrong. She misses her friends. She said she doesn't know if she can go on without them...I know a bit melodramatic but for her very real at this present time.
One of her friends, the only friend she has had over and she has known since we lived in this area over 5 years ago, came over tonight that has seemed to perk her up some.
It's so hard watching that, feeling guilty that we moved her away from some really really great kids. She has to adjust more than the others as the little ones I think adapt so much better. Being in grade 9 in the "richest" high school in town has got to be challenging. She does like her teachers and she has a friend to sit with, that was her biggest fear, no one to sit with at lunch. When I think of it from that angle I feel her pain. I remember going to a new school in grade 10, middle of the school year and the only person I knew was my then boyfriend who was in grade 9 (not robbing the cradle I was a year ahead in school so he was my age!) anyways I remember not knowing who to sit with at lunch and those were very awkward do not wish to repeat days! like starting a new job and walking into the lunch room and all eyes are on you and you brought something with garlic to eat! not fun.
To top all that off her cycles are really off and it looks like we might have to put her on the pill to help regulate things, something we don't really want to have to do but the poor girl doesn't need that extra week (it's coming every 20 days) of raging hormones, and not the good kind....wait a minute.... is there a good kind?
It's so hard, so we might try to do something a little special for her coming up soon, but I can't tell you yet so the beans don't get spilled but we really want to cheer her up.
update on J: I realized I hadn't really given an update on his health lately so I thought I better document this before I forget. Mostly I would say he has been doing really really well. He has weened himself off his meds, which I don't like without his Dr's knowledge, but he has been doing much better. You can tell when he is tired though, and when he over does it you can see the fatigue all over him. The reno he is overseeing is coming down to crunch time so he has been working 6 days a week and long hard days. I can see the toll this is having on his body. He is definitely not ready for physical labor yet. He struggles to walk at the end of those kind of days and when you string a few of those together his gate is harder and harder to ignore. After this job is over he is hoping to take a little break before whatever it is that he decides to do next. I don't know about how everyone else is feeling with the market and what is happening in the States and although we are not fearful we see the need to be very sure of our steps!