can't see where we are going

at my cousin's wedding this past summer they had organized some games while the guests were waiting for the pictures to be done and part of that was riding a lawn mower...blind folded...and the only directions were from our partner. No worries they were set at a low speed and J didn't leave my side.

I can't help but think about this cuz it feels pretty much like the analogy of my life. Can't see where I am going, having to trust only in what I hear and not see. Knowing he is there cuz I hear him and that he has my best interest in mind and he actually wants me to win the race.

See the parallel?

We are attending a local church that we attended when we lived here before. In fact I went to school there and attended for my entire youth there. It is strange in some ways being back, kids are all older and some people are not there anymore, there a few new faces. This church has been through the ringer this past year and that is putting it mildly. At first I didn't want to go back there, didn't want to touch it and the "problems" there with a ten foot pole! I still haven't resolved all my feelings about the Institution. Still grappling with what it's function has become over what it was started to do. I also know that I in myself cannot change the Institution. Anyways I started to pray about it and asked the Lord what to do, where we should go. J really felt we should go there and be a support to the pastor who basically had his life turned upside down when he found out almost a year ago that his wife had been having an affair with his best friend who was also the worship pastor. Then not so long ago the youth pastor attempted to take his own life. This church has been through so much. I started getting such a peace about going there and I knew that wasn't from me.

The kids are not so sure about it yet and the youth is really still hurting and I am not really sure what is going on there in that but we are where we are supposed to be for now and that does feel good. I do know that we are not going to get involved by that I mean I think our family has been through so much and we need a year to rest and just be together, our low stress life in the making, trusting that even though we can't see where we are going He does.

2 comments:

Theresa said...

As a woman whose former husband and I were leaders in our former church and went through a messy divorce because he was cheating on me I give you a lot of credit for going back. The pain of losing a spouse that way is worse than losing your spouse any other way because of the betrayal....and not having the support from your friends makes it all the more painful. Your friends just don't know what to do. Lots of people left our church because of it. It was a mess.

We serve a forgiving God. And if this is where you feel God has you at right now, then all the drama should be forgotten.

MugwumpMom said...

I agree with Theresa...it takes courage, and faithfulness to go back and walk through the "mess" with the rest of the church. You once said that we wouldn't leave our biological parents, brothers, sisters etc., if they messed up...so why do we leave our spiritual ones..and you made an excellent point that stuck with me. If Lori or anyone else in my family had a moral fall, I wouldn't "leave them" and move one to another "family"...we need to start seeing our brother's and sister's in Christ, whom God adopted along with us, like true, actual family, because that is exactly what they are. Then by our love will the world know that He is.