I spent a lot of time today and last night thinking about brokenness and wondering what that really means, what it looks like and why are we so afraid of it?
The pastor of our church as I mentioned a couple posts back has had a whirlwind of a year. He made some big announcements at church yesterday about where he is in his story and the direction the church is going to go.
The big question being at everyone's mind was if he was going to resign or not or whether the other leadership would want him to resign as he has made the decision to divorce his wife. I think from the response in the morning that some thought he should have. Most were glad he is not. He was prepared to lay it all down as he felt that was what the Lord was telling him to do. He was letting the rest of his dreams die, plant his seed in the ground. There was even steps in place to have this all happen and in the 11th hour the Lord stepped in in what was described as a tangible way and basically said no you are called to stay. For some it was a real emotional morning, some were not so happy it was presented the way it was. For J and I we have not lived through what the church has been through although we knew about it we have not had to endure it. We had been enduring our own story, our own journey was being challenged and our faith was being put to the test! so we can strongly relate and it is strange how similar the feelings are that we have lived thru and what the church has been through. We have a bit of a different perspective because we didn't walk thru this with them and have compassion because we just walked thru our own trial pretty much on our own.
J and I are loving being back there, which continually surprises me taking in mind the drama/issues and my own unresolved issues with the "Institution" at large! We simply know that we know that we are supposed to be there right now and that brings so much peace, even in the midst of upheaval! It feels so good after 2 years of feeling lost and disconnected concerning church.
One of the elders that spoke last night at the congregational meeting said she felt that because of their brokenness she really felt that people would be led there! strange to say but when you have been in that place you recognize integrity and honesty and the bare truth that we are ALL just humans doing the best in this life to obey the Will of God! I have to say that J and I recognize that. We feel the genuineness of their hearts, their willingness to be open about their struggles and even failures and the hope that they feel that they are at a turning place and the Love they have for our Father that He works out all things together for good.
Brokenness to me was a dirty word. It meant being weak. It meant being vulnerable..in a bad way. It meant failure.
But my Father is in the redeeming business
It is starting to feel like a quiet strength that was not there before.
Like a Faith building stone to my walk.
Like the undeniable fact that He never leaves us or forsakes us.
That beauty rises from ashes.
and there is more still to come and that is hope and that is exciting.
what does it mean to you?