I have to lay it down

I think we all have that idea of the one more thing that we can handle before we think we will crack.... I think I may have found mine.

This last year I was PAC Chair at my kids school. This will be the first and last year I ever do this. Someone recently told me I am letting the enemy take me out. At this point I don't even care. I am so done.

Basically a fund raiser went bad and since I had signed the Participation Agreement as Chair I am being taken to Collections and Small Claims Court. I couldn't even begin to express how this makes me feel. Scared and vulnerable are good places to start. I can't sleep and I feel as if I am in a fog. The worse part is this is affecting my kids too. I am a mess admittedly and I am not sure how to cope with all the feelings this stirs up cept to take it moment by moment. I feel so let down by the rest of the PAC and the District.... I feel alone in fighting this as it is happening to me no one else can really truly get what this is doing to me.

Hmmm just remembered there is one who does.... He died for our sins and He died an innocent death. He knows what I am feeling and the betrayal I am experiencing. Wow....so glad I blog this stuff cuz I totally forgot. Haven't been feeling so Christian lately, just a lot of anger....well I go back and forth to fits of rage to despair back to rage.

reminded of the Celtic Worship Song


At the foot of the cross where Grace and Suffering meet.
You have shown me your love thru the judgment you received.
And you've won my heart, yes you've won my heart.
Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown,
coming to kiss the feet of mercy,.
I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross, where I am made complete.
You have given me life thru the death you bore for me.
And you've won my heart, yes you've won my heart.
Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown,
coming to kiss the feet of mercy,
I lay every burden down,
at the foot of the cross
I trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
You've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
now I can trade these ashes in for beauty,
and wear forgiveness like a crown,
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
I trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
I lay every burden down
I lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
I'm laying every burden down
I'm laying every burden down

4 comments:

Nadine said...

I'm so very sorry that this happening to you. How terrible. I pray that God will give justice on your behalf and that in the end it will all work out for His good. I pray for protection over you and your family at this time.

MugwumpMom said...

What lovely words - may have peace that is beyond understanding.

Waawee said you're heading down here this week...cool...let's get together!

Cheri said...

I LOVE that song. It's one of my favourites.

Dawn said...

What an absolutely unfair thing to have happen! I can't believe the school is letting you hang out there on your own. But I am so glad you blogged about it and found a measure of peace.