Sometimes I feel like a broken record and like I am focusing on the negative. I am trying not to but at the same time I am completely overwhelmed. I really want to look back on these posts in this phase of my journey and be able to say wow look how far the Lord has taken us. So I still have faith, it's just a little quiet these days....maybe!
My kids are not doing so well and this is hard for me and I am really struggling with that. My 9 year old had an anxiety attack the other night and a 9 year old should not be having anxiety attacks!! EVER. She started to cry and kick her legs and looked how I feel when I have anxiety attacks....like she was crawling out of her skin. She kept saying I feel it in my back I feel like I have forgotten something over and over.... it was a little scary and I was not sure what to do for her. I just held her and stroked her hair told her everything would be ok and prayed the peace of God over her. I called J and he spoke calm and gentle words to her too. What an ordeal, you never think you will have to calm your childs nerves like that. After talking about it with a good friend it seems to me that Em has taken on the 2nd parent role since I am so busy and that is too much responsibility for her. She is the mothering type, loves babies and I know she is going to be an amazing momma one day. She is naturally responsible....sometimes even more so than my 14 year old! and looks out for her siblings. This is something that is in her but something I know now to be very careful and watchful for that she is not taking my responsibility on. So tonight I am going to take her out on a date and we are going to have a heart to heart.
This whole moving business is really hard on the girls, they are all upset about it and while they have moments of I think it will all be ok the daunting feeling of leaving their friends and our home/property that they love is overwhelming for them. It is a tough market right now to be selling and that does not help to alleviate the stress levels. I myself have been having a hard time just showing up for work!! I only have 1 week left...oh HAPPY DAY... and I am barely making it! I am just so glad that chapter is coming to a close! I have learned a lot about my abilities and some more about people that I would rather not have learned!!! but will take the good out of it and leave it for a huge growth time in my life.
So here I sit....wrapping up PAC... again another thing I am all too happy to be done with and will not be joining again next year let alone take an executive position.....wrapping up the school year...only too happy to be done with lunches and early mornings....wrapping up my time with our student here....he leaves on the 29th for Korea....so I can see a time of peace coming... wish J could be here to enjoy it with me!