where to even begin? I was thinking about this post first thing this morning and looking back over this year and all the things we have overcome. So I think it would be fitting to name 2007 "the year we overcame". It was probably the most difficult year I have ever had to live out in my 33 years of life. Definitely not one I want to repeat. So lets see if I can put in perspective and where I come out at the end.
Last January when J was diagnosed with CIDP it was such a shock to learn that a strong healthy man, at that time only 33 years old, could become so weak and dependent. This was not his first Neurological Auto-immune disease as he had something similar when he was 16. Going from moving 900 kms North in the fall of 06, and J working another 900 kms North and leaving me at home for 10 days at a time with the girls to him being home sick then myself having to re-enter the work place. Seems we jumped from one hurdle to another, adjustment after adjustment. Working in an environment where I am belittled manipulated and controlled. There were many months I felt I was losing myself. Faith going missing in the snow to tongues being ripped off frozen poles...... pipes bursting and electrical failing, fridges leaking to dogs digging up everyone's gardens.... yup been quite a year.
There have been moments when I wanted to run, just pack a bag and take off for awhile. Times when I cried and times when I laughed. Just life. Looking back I can recall many times of crying out to God "where are You" to being angry at Him and bewildered. Not finding a "church home" after 16 months. Feeling lonely for my family, specially my mom. Facing things I never dreamed I would face.
Then I realize, I faced them all, we are all still here. J is doing so much better, healing faster after the relapse in Oct then he did the first time round. J and I are closer, we did this together. We drew closer in our walk together even with the bumps and bruises and some major cuts. We drew on the Lord.... together.... not relying on others to help us thru but took the "bottle" out of our mouths and had to chew the meat on our own.
I realized that I can endure a lot. I can stand up for myself and I am a good manager. I am fair and compassionate and learned things about running a hotel and unionized staff. I learned that I would rather spend the rest of my life learning and growing with J then without him. I have strong children who hear the voice of their Father and have learned all things are possible with Him. I have learned that my family of 6 are up to a major move and major obstacles and still keep their faith. Even if we have to move back down to the Coast I know that His plan for us never changes. There are no plan B's with God. Nothing is a surprise to Him..... NOTHING. He loves me the way that I am and I cannot lose His Grace or Mercy because I did not earn it. He goes before me and after me and is with me always.
Even the other day I was starting to get anxious about going back to work ( I have been off since the 20th btw, we went to the Coast for Christmas) and I was at Pam's and when I told her she said "ask where Jesus is when you go to work"..... instantly I saw Him standing at the side door I always go in by and He had opened it for me. I was confused for a second cuz I thought Lord I thought You were always with me why were You there before me? and again instantly He answered my question thru Pam, she said the Word says He goes before you too..... so it all made sense and I felt such peace and STILL don't have the nerves I usually do on a Sunday thinking about work.
So even up to the last few days I am learning so much. It has been the year my family overcame...... and we will continue to do so and my prayer for you all is that you find the same outcome.... that we are Overcomer's and by His blood we have been redeemed.
Happy New Year