As you know Super Mom came up for the weekend as she was teaching a conference on Hearing God's Voice. It was amazing. She is an amazing speaker and I have not heard many people who capture the people's attention the way she does and at the same time imparts such light bulb moments. She also brought a friend up who was such a pleasure to meet and I felt like I had known her for years not just days! They so blessed me.
I have been hurting for so long with everything that has been going on. At first I was strong and the longer time went on and nothing seemed to be happening the weaker I felt. I honestly felt that J and I had done something wrong and God was punishing us. I felt we had lost favor. We had lost His blessing and His protection. I felt abandoned and alone and a couple of weeks ago I wanted to give up and literally run away. I didn't think I could carry it much longer. I was mad at God and hurt and felt like "screw you too".......aweful I know just need to keep it real here. I realized where my thoughts were headed and I didn't like it. I came to a screeching hault before hitting a full on depression....something I haven't experienced since I was 19 and alone and scared. I was not in control anymore and I did not like it....and wasn't handling it well! My whole it's ok to be mad at God you just can't stay there saying was something I needed to start living out!
I knew P was coming and I knew I just had to hold on. I knew that she has the ability to speak life into me and was the mentor I needed just at this moment. I cried at the airport when I saw her...... we hugged and hugged and she whispered into my ear, "it's ok I am here now"...... I felt spiritually like I took a huge breath of relief. Not that others hadn't been speaking into my life, they had, my parents family and friends had I just knew that P was going to hit it home for me.
I felt like I was on maximum download upon their arrival, talking at about 125 words per minute and that really is not an exaggeration.... I knew I was probably overloading them with information and emotions but it was a purging that was in itself healing. They picked up on some real key things and soon we were in full on prayer ministry......... it was fantastic. I think L was shocked at how brutally honest P was with me but she knew I knew her heart for me and that it was all out of love and that is how it was received. I needed to hear what she had to say. I prayed repentance and renounced the lies that I had started to believe. As I did that the lies became so obvious and even ridiculous.......I started to feel strength coming back to my spirit. They spoke the truth over me and then P said "God wants you to know that you did nothing wrong to deserve this, you are not being punished, He is NOT doing this too you." For the first time in months I believed it. Freedom is free! not earned. You can do nothing to gain the Father's love and you can do nothing to lose His love either!
Then we headed to the meeting that night, after I reapplied my makeup and I felt refreshed. It was such a great conference like I said before. The next day when in our little groups one lady started asking where I was from..... I had thought briefly that she looked familiar but shook it off as who would I know up here???....then she asked my maiden name and after telling her she stood up and said very loudly who's daughter she is. She is my elementary school Principal's daughter and from our old church, the very first one I ever went too and her hubby used to live with me and my family when I was about 5 or 6. I haven't seen them for over 20 years! Not as a grown up! It was sooooo cool. Just a real Godly reunion and I had the thought that this is what Heaven is going to be like..... meeting old friends and being so excited to be reacquainted with them. They live about 4 hours from us and I just know our paths are going to cross again.
sorry I know this is getting long! but bare with me here
Then on Sunday J came home with the oldest 2 girls ( I had been alone all last week and I have to say.....TOTALLY ENJOYED MYSELF AND THE QUIET! thanks to waweee and wayno for taking such great care of the 2 little ones!)..... and P and L prayed with J and I. They prayed over the trauma over Faith having been missing and the fear that took root with that. You have to try to imagine what that was like for J being her father and not being able to physically go the entire way to get her.....it was amazing how far he did get considering how weak he has been. It was eating him alive making him feel like a failure. I had to physically do what he was unable to do. BUT the exciting part is God redeemed this for us. Not only did He show J that He was with Faith in the woods the entire time keeping her safe and leading us to her He also showed me that it took the 2 of us to get her. We NEED each other to parent these kids and it is by working together that that goal will be reached. He also showed us that like we had to go searching for Faith in the woods at this time in our lives we have had to go searching for our Faith in Him, and together we found it and together we brought it back into our home. Together we will build on it and that will enable us to grow. * just want to make a disclaimer that I am NOT saying God did this to teach us a lesson or that it is good what happened, we have learned a very hard lesson in all this and the memory was horrific.....BUT now God has taken the horror and fear away, cuz that's what our Abba daddy father God does........ He loves that BIG!
I feel so much better, I know I am redeemed!
Webster's Online Dictionary meaning of the word "redeemed"
Main Entry: re·deem Pronunciation: ri-'dEmFunction: transitive verbEtymology: Middle English redemen, from Anglo-French redemer, modification of Latin redimere, from re-, red- re- + emere
to take, buy; akin to Lithuanian imti to take
1 a : to buy back : REPURCHASE b : to get or win back
2 : to free from what distresses or harms: as a : to free from captivity by payment of ransom b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental c : to release from blame or debt : CLEAR d : to free from the consequences of sin
3 : to change for the better : REFORM
4 : REPAIR, RESTORE
5 a : to free from a lien by payment of an amount secured thereby b (1) : to remove the obligation of by payment
6 a : to atone for : EXPIATE