I think I really needed to vent, I don’t do too much of that. I try to be positive and the other day when we learned that J’s benefit company have pretty much denied him long term disability based on a technicality, it felt like a real blow. I got really angry. I got overwhelmed.
I let myself really go through those emotions, while I haven’t literally screamed and cried and cried till I can’t cry no more, I have allowed myself to feel more than before.
Just when I am feeling so hopeless I received a little ray of light. I went to my last Bible Study with my friends yesterday. Since I am going to work I will be unable to go anymore. They threw me a surprise luncheon afterwards and gave me a little card where they had all signed it and gave me a gift of over $100.00 to buy myself some new clothes for work. So generous and so touching I felt so loved.
I don’t want to be the mom that no one knows. I like being so involved with the girl’s school and was hoping to do more with the District PAC too. Now my evenings are going to be precious and I will have to choose what we do more carefully as time is more limited. Having my friends do this for me yesterday after only knowing them for 5 months, I realized that I have already made such good friends, that I will not be unknown. What a gift.
This morning J woke up with warmth in his hands that he hasn’t felt for months now. This is a great sign that the steroids he is on are working. He feels more hopeful and even excited than ever. Since long term disability is no longer an option we have to figure out what we can do for income, mine won’t be enough. His short term, which we are finally receiving on Friday will end on April 30th. He also is scheduled for more IVIG treatments for the next 3 months. This takes a whole week and makes him sick so there really isn’t much possibility of someone hiring him when he is physically disabled AND has to go off once a week for the next 3 months for sure and not certain after that. So what do we do? The logical explanation is to create his own employment. Right now that is what we are exploring.
J sounds really excited about a few business opportunities and that is great. His hope is growing and that is so fantastic. Now we need to find a nanny or something cuz we thought he would be home with the girls over the summer and now he won’t be.
So many changes have happened to us over the last 6 months and I have to think they will be for the better.