Another day another outlook

I think I really needed to vent, I don’t do too much of that. I try to be positive and the other day when we learned that J’s benefit company have pretty much denied him long term disability based on a technicality, it felt like a real blow. I got really angry. I got overwhelmed.

I let myself really go through those emotions, while I haven’t literally screamed and cried and cried till I can’t cry no more, I have allowed myself to feel more than before.

Just when I am feeling so hopeless I received a little ray of light. I went to my last Bible Study with my friends yesterday. Since I am going to work I will be unable to go anymore. They threw me a surprise luncheon afterwards and gave me a little card where they had all signed it and gave me a gift of over $100.00 to buy myself some new clothes for work. So generous and so touching I felt so loved.

I don’t want to be the mom that no one knows. I like being so involved with the girl’s school and was hoping to do more with the District PAC too. Now my evenings are going to be precious and I will have to choose what we do more carefully as time is more limited. Having my friends do this for me yesterday after only knowing them for 5 months, I realized that I have already made such good friends, that I will not be unknown. What a gift.

This morning J woke up with warmth in his hands that he hasn’t felt for months now. This is a great sign that the steroids he is on are working. He feels more hopeful and even excited than ever. Since long term disability is no longer an option we have to figure out what we can do for income, mine won’t be enough. His short term, which we are finally receiving on Friday will end on April 30th. He also is scheduled for more IVIG treatments for the next 3 months. This takes a whole week and makes him sick so there really isn’t much possibility of someone hiring him when he is physically disabled AND has to go off once a week for the next 3 months for sure and not certain after that. So what do we do? The logical explanation is to create his own employment. Right now that is what we are exploring.

J sounds really excited about a few business opportunities and that is great. His hope is growing and that is so fantastic. Now we need to find a nanny or something cuz we thought he would be home with the girls over the summer and now he won’t be.

So many changes have happened to us over the last 6 months and I have to think they will be for the better.


Glo said…
Lala, Sorry I haven't been by for a while. Computer problems over and over.
Sorry you have to go to work. Sorry J's sick. I do pray for you and your family. Also sorry to hear about J's benfits. You just need to put in God's hands and let him handle it. Our prays are with you always. I will put you and your family on the prayer list at our church.
Your Bible study group sounds a lot of great people. God bless them.Take care and keep your chin up.
Morning Glory said…
You really have gone through a lot, and I've been blessed by reading how you have handled all the different events. Bless you, Friend.
Dawn said…
I get so frustrated at the way disability awards are handled. There seems to be no logic whatsoever. Blessings on all of you!
Yellow Mama said…

If words we enough, I would give you everything I had. If I were there, I would help you find a way.

I know there is a way. The other night, as Al and I were praying together, he saw two roads. One road was dark without any source of light. The other road was illuminated by God himself. I thank God that He is illuminating to the two of you the right path. I believe it will be obvious. As He is preparing the road for you to follow, I pray for manna from heaven and a free flowing water source for you both. I pray that even in the worst of circumstances, God provides for you and your family.

The other day when a driver ran right into my door...driver's door and probably totaled my car, that I was able to walk out without a scratch...some chiropractic help, but basically whole. God protected me and made the best out of the worst possibility. When I got home and posted briefly that evening, the scripture which was showing on the Biblegateway daily on my post was...all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. You both have breath in you and you both have a purpose. This will be the most exciting part of your marriage. A new door of opportunity will open and it will be clear to you both.

Blessings. Cheryl
mom of 2 said…
I'm glad that you and J are both feeling hopeful! And what awesome friends for giving you money for work clothes!!! I'll continue to pray for you guys!!!
Heidi said…
I can't believe how much you are going through - my prayers keep going out to you. You are truly blessed to have so many beautiful people around you to count on. I admire your strength through all of this too, and the Good Lord knows how much you can/can't handle.

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